The Mystery Box

Posted in Technology
Thu, Nov 17 - 5:32 am EDT | 8 years ago by
Comments: 16
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Oh, sure, Joystiq gets to open up a brand spankin’ new Xbox 360. But what about the rest of us lowly people? Well, we don’t. We must settle for watching them rub their good fortune in our unworthy faces.

Coincidentally, however, a mysterious box appeared on my balcony this morning. For a moment, I figured it was just out and about, enjoying the lovely view. But upon closer inspection I realized it was planning to jump. Naturally, I hurried onto the balcony to rescue it from a most unfortunate death. Talking to it didn’t help. I think it was ignoring me. So when I thought it wasn’t looking, I grabbed it and brought it inside.

I placed it down in the middle of the living room, and welcomed it to my home. At first, it continued to ignore me. But then I noticed that it was trying to tell me something. I leaned closer.

Imagine my surprise at its displeasure! I had just saved its life! Stupid thing. But, still, I opted to be the better person. I apologized for causing it any distress, and asked if there was anything I could do to make its stay more comfortable. It said nothing. For a long while, we both sat there, staring at each other.

Finally, it admitted that it really had to use the bathroom. I said no problem and helped it on its way. I waited a bit impatiently, as it took a very long time about things, but upon its return, I was pleased to find that it seemed in better spirits. I didn’t ask what it had done in there all of that time, as I figured it was none of my business.

It then told me it would love a cup of coffee, and maybe a blanket – poor thing was freezing! So I set about making some coffee and getting it a blanket. By the end of it all, it was very appreciative. I asked if it was possible for me to open it up and see what was inside. At first, it seemed shy, but it said that since I’d been so hospitable, it was the least it could do. So, after finishing its fourth cup of coffee – the last few, admittedly, containing a bit more alcohol than anything else- it allowed me to peek inside.

I was a little disappointed, finding only an empty plastic bag inside, but I tried to hide my disappointment by going, “Oooh, a plastic bag!!!” I don’t think it bought my forced enthusiasm, because it then said, “Don’t worry, there’s more.” I felt a rush of excitement at the prospect. What could this mysterious-suicidal box contain?

So, I went ahead and dug into the peanuts. I felt a little pervy, truth be told. I’m not normally so forward with boxes I’ve just met. Particularly ones I find attempting to commit suicide from my balcony, but there was something about this box in particular that lowered my defenses – or perhaps it was that I, too, had consumed my fair share of the Irish coffee. It took me only a few seconds to touch something both familiar and thrilling.

And then, there it was: a blue Xbox controller. I swooned right there on the spot over the sheer sexiness of it all. Its beauty, its glossy shine, the rugged contours of its body! How could a girl resist?!



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  • Karine


    And I thought Joystiq’s post was funny!

  • ambine

    …… You are a freak. I do love me some of those packing peanuts though. They’re so sexy…

  • Erin

    There are no words to describe how cool you are. These really should be recurring features.

    Ahahaa…So, I went ahead and dug into the peanuts. I felt a little pervy, truth be told. I’m not normally so forward with boxes I’ve just met.

    Oh Ingrid.

  • vc

    mmmm peanuts.

  • The Fan

    Bwaa…is this it …where is that video man!!!

  • Dan Choi

    So… are you saying that the S controller was attempting to commit suicide because the 360′s new model (and accessory incompatibility) had rendered it obsolete… and without a reason to live? Oh, Microsoft, why must you be so fickle! =)

  • Ingrid

    Why, yes, Dan! You got it! :D

  • Erin

    Dan…what we were trying to get at was a subtle, post-moderen critical commentary on our “throw away society”.

    Things and people (but mostly things) have value man! You can just chuck them out onto the street when you’ve had your fun.

  • Ingrid

    Er… yes! Erin’s right. A lot of .. er, deep, deep thinking went into this whole thing. We did yoga to contemplate the Bigger Meaning behind it all. Then we drew charts, and um … uh … thingies.

    I didn’t just wake up this morning and think “Hm, I think it will be fun to take pictures of a box.” … cause that would be silly….

  • roqua

    Those blue controlles are pretty sexy.

  • Cal

    There is a whole heap of innuendo I could come up with here, but I’ll be a good boy and leave well enough alone…

  • Tiago Gaspar

    Nice crazy post! :P

    Good job, you should make more like this one.

  • Erin

    Cal, you just made a very wise move. (I thought of that too).


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