Monday Night Raw Match Five:
Randy Orton and JBL vs.
Triple H and John Cena
The winner of this tag team match determines who faces whom at the next pay-per-view. We’re far too confused at this point. All we know is that The Jab And Grapple Wife loooooooooooooooves John Cena, thinks Randy Orton is cute, despises JBL, and thinks Triple H and his intro is “[wimpy] as hell”. We want the best for Cena and Orton; hopefully JR will remind us who we should be rooting for.
The announcers don’t except to say this match has “graaaaave implications.” Please remind us what they are. Please.
OK. If Orton and and JBL win then they will face the same opponents as Judgment Day. Trust us, no one wants to see those matches again. Everyone in the world is rooting for Cena and Triple and I’d say the chances of them winning are about one million per cent.
JBL hits Cena with a sneaky illegal boot to the head and Orton pins the Prototype for about twenty seconds. The world breathes a sigh of relief because Triple H has distracted the ref.
Heavens no. Orton boots Cena and JBL pins him. We’re having Judgment Day rematches. Unless there’s some drastic switches between then and now I’ve officially decided not to buy.
Match Rating: F