Universal Pictures announced the company has struck a deal with Mattel and is planning a live action film around the toy maker’s signature Barbie doll.
The move marks a continuation of the trend to capitalize on the cross-merchandising opportunities between movies and toys. As was the case with G.I. Joe, the Transformers and the Harry Potter vibrating broomstick, studio executives hope a full-length movie will hype merchandising opportunities for Barbie and Barbie accessories.
Pamela Anderson is reported to be the early favorite to play Barbie in the movies since both Pam and Barbie are blonde, big-chested and predominantly plastic.
No word yet on whether there’s a new Barbie Tattoo Parlor planned for this Christmas or a whether the new Barbie Dream House will come with a hidden video camera so Barbie can make her own sex tape.
According to Mattel, Barbie has “99% worldwide brand awareness” — which sounds like a made-up statistic since I’m pretty sure 9 out of 10 Islamic terrorists don’t know who Barbie is unless they’re packing explosives in her tiny pink convertible for some kind of miniature dress rehearsal for an embassy bombing.
Barbie general manager and Mattel senior veep Richard Dickson had this to say about why the company is just now getting around to making a movie about the iconic blonde doll:
“The brand wasn’t ready for a movie,” Dickson said. “In the last 10 years, Barbie has evolved from a toy into an intellectual property .. Barbie has a proven track record in home entertainment, there have been live stage shows, live symphonies and other non-traditional forms of entertainment … and there is a richness to the brand as an entertainment property.”
Holy crap. Nothing like a little marketing-speak to suck the joy out of your childhood.
Grow up, kids. You know the hours of imaginary fun you enjoyed while dreaming of being swept away on romantic adventures with a different outfit for every occasion?
Somebody’s measuring how that will impact present value cash flow.
I haven’t had my dreams crushed this bad since I found out Barney wasn’t a real dinosaur and my blankie wasn’t a magic shield that could protect me from a drunken stepfather.
Maybe Barbie will start making stupid PETA commercials…
Image: Zuma Press