Contributed by guest author Johnson Jones
Each week, Johnson Jones answers your questions about relationships, dating, sex and anything else that has to do with chicks. Contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org to get your question answered next week.
After I got married, my wife stopped wanting to have sex with me. What can I do? — Darius in Louisiana
Ain’t no doubt that this here is the question I get asked the most. Ol’ boy gets hitched and then wonders why the well runs dry. Real talk: There’s only one possible solution. If you act like you don’t wanna smash, there’s a chance your wife will start begging for the D again like back when ya’ll was dating. You see, chicks use their treasure to manipulate. If you act thirsty, they’ll keep it on lock. If you act like you got bigger fish to fry, the monkey will magically reappear. Try that, my dude, and report back.
Long story short, my lady has a few pornographic videos on the internet. I admit to watching the videos but so far I’ve been able to chalk it up to a life experience. But do you think I should continue dating her or is this something that will haunt me forever? — Chad in Washington
Sorry to say this but I must refer to the old adage: “You can’t turn a ho into a housewife”. I’ve seen it tried a thousand times and I’ve seen it fail a thousand times. The bottom line is that a chick who filmed herself having sex is a ho. Mess around wit’ it. Have your fun. But don’t try to wife it. Eventually, she’ll end up right back on that camera. I don’t care if she goes to church now or if you think her ish don’t stank. Her inner ho will be back sooner or later.
What’s your stance on ugly women? Is it ever okay to date an ugly? — Anonymous in Texas
If given a choice, you take the dime. Especially if you focusing on just going in for the thrill, go ahead and satisfy your sweet tooth with the eye candy. But, truth be told, all chicks turn ugly eventually; it’s just a matter of time, you know what I’m saying? If you’re wifing up, beauty should be a little further down the list. But not too far, obviously.
Check out last week’s Ask EveryJoe column: Curvy Latina Ate My Gum
Johnson Jones is our resident expert on the fairer sex. He’s always walking around here with a new one on his shoulder. The guy knows his stuff.