Contributed by guest author Noah Gulliver
For most, Sunday is a day of worship — or at least a day of rest. For Noah Gulliver, however, Sunday is the day he unleashes his pent up rage. Sit back, relax and read along as hatred spews from the depths of his soul.
- I agree wholeheartedly that Dennis Rodman is a traitor. Seriously, I hope he gets tetanus from a rusty tattoo needle and just goes away. Forever. Let me get this straight: Rodman goes to a country with millions of starving people and has no shame when eating a lavish feast? He tells one of the most dangerous people in the world that he loves him and that he has a friend for life? Rodman just helped galvanize the country of North Korea around its crazy leader. Great job there, buddy.
- I hate Katherine Webb. Sorry, I do. Yes, I’m straight but it should take more than being the girlfriend of a mediocre college quarterback for you to become a star. I don’t care about what she looks like in a bikini or anything else about her. Sure, it was funny when Brent Musburger experienced his first Viagra-less sprout in 20 years — but, come on, she’s just your average redneck from BFE.
- LeBron James is a great basketball player but he’s also a coward. He doesn’t want to risk losing the slam dunk contest so he’ll never enter it. Making it worse, Lebron will pretend to think about participating. He’ll humor Magic Johnson’s offer. But in the end, LeBron is a chicken and would rather sit out than potentially be embarrassed.
- Am I the only one who hates manufactured stories in Spring Training? I can’t be. This hitter looks great after changing his stance, that pitcher is holding his curve differently … blah blah blah. The truth is Spring Training doesn’t tell us anything we don’t already know about baseball players. The stats have been analyzed and the conclusions are all the same: Spring Training numbers mean nothing. Outside of injuries, we might as well ignore everything prior to the opening pitch of the real baseball season.
- Why do you people care so much about the Oscars? As if those overpaid celebrities need something else to celebrate about. Nepotism leads to most acting jobs anyways; it’s not like sports where you win a job based on your performance. Movies suck, for the most part. We live in a lazy world so even bad movies turn a huge profit because people nowadays are always in the market for cheap and easy entertainment. Let that money do the celebrating. We don’t to glorify those people more than that.
Noah Gulliver is a deeply disturbed individual. Go ahead and hate him since he probably hates you too. If you feel you must contact him, send an email to email@example.com.