He’s either as fast as Tony Parker, as strong as Karl Malone and jumps as high as Vince Carter or he’s on steroids, HGH or other form of PEDs — you decide.
Folks, we have LeBron James shoved down our throats every day of the season — and, granted, he is a damn stellar player — but given everything I’ve seen in the crooked world of sports, I can’t buy a 6-foot-8-plus guy being this much of an athletic freak.
NBA commissioner David Stern, in all of his fascist dictatorship glory, asserts that basketball players have no reason to take performance enhancing drugs and shouts down all opposing views.
“It’s not a problem at the present time,” Stern is on record of saying about a possible steroids problem.
First of all, shut the hell up, Stern. Like anybody can believe what you say with that crooked 1985 fixed draft lottery video floating around. (By the way, that’s the one video of like 14 million NBA videos that Stern keeps trying to remove from YouTube … but it keeps resurfacing — tee hee.)
But second of all, Stern’s asinine stance translates to indicating that he doesn’t know why basketball players would want to be bigger, stronger, faster and recover quicker from injury. If that doesn’t raise numerous red flags right there, we might as well just shut the internet down. Hey Stern, you just showed everybody at the table your hand — and we can see you’re lying your ass off.
Of course NBA basketball players want and take PEDs. The question is how many and how rampant is the use. It’s the next sports PEDs scandal if Stern and his cronies ever lose their footing or if a brave journalist sniffs around in the right places. That is, unless you believe PEDs usage is limited to just Hedo Turkoglu and Rashard Lewis (insert roll eyes here).
But back to LeBron James, the man is awfully suspect. I mean, come on, are we to believe that after all these years, a super human has evolved with a near flawless basketball body and athleticism to spare? Is he that one in a trillion human who makes even the super athletes of the NBA look like high school kids?
If that’s what you’re selling, I ain’t buying. Don’t be deceived by television, LeBron is one mammoth SOB. He stands nearly 6-foot-9 with 265 pounds (at least) of lean beef packing his muscular frame — and has all the coordination and agility of a 6-foot-2 guard.
If he’s all natural, I’m going to buy out Lids and tip all their New Era caps towards him in a show of respect. If he’s fake, then he was going to be damn good anyways but he has been able to turn himself into a the ultimate freak of nature on his way to epic-legend-master status. Plus, he’s steadily closing in on amassing a billion dollars — which has long been a stated goal of his.
Oh, and as far as LeBron’s jaw, I don’t know. I’m not one of those guys walking around with a suitcase full of LeBron James photos for every year of his career. He does have a damn big jaw but I haven’t noticed anything like Dwayne Wade’s new chipmunk cheeks and huge jawline.
Same goes for the receding hairline. Yeah, his hair looks like locusts have swarmed down on his head but it’s called male pattern baldness — it doesn’t mean he juices or takes HGH. It can be a symptom but making a direct correlation between hair loss and PEDs use is like saying hot girls wear bikinis so every girl that wears a bikini is hot.
Anyways, LeBron’s a near flawless basketball specimen. If he didn’t suffer from a bit of Tin Man syndrome and had a left hand drive to go with a consistent standstill jumper, he’d probably average 40 points, 12 rebounds, 12 assists and 3 blocks per game.
So does LeBron take steroids, HGH or some other form of PEDs? Leave your comment below — just don’t say something stupid like there is absolutely no way. If you’re one of those former Lance Armstrong sheep, get your Rick Reilly ass out of here.
Jack Maclin never pulls punches when covering sports. Follow Jack @jackmaclin