The 10 Stupidest Things Michele Bachmann Has Ever Said

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Tue, Mar 11 - 10:31 am EDT | 5 years ago by
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If institutions of higher education handed out degrees for saying stupid stuff, Representative Michele Bachmann would earn a PhD. While my soul sort of shrivels up and dies when she speaks, I’m also glad she keeps on doing it. Really, it’s equal parts hilarious and utterly depressing to know exactly what goes on the minds of the people who are supposed to represent us. You can rest assured that if someone hands her a mic, she’ll say something senseless.

Michele Bachmann
Source: Carrie Devorah /

Recently, she accused Jewish organizations of selling out Israel because they back and financially support President Obama. “What has been shocking has been seeing and observing Jewish organizations who it appears have made it their priority to support the political priority and the political ambitions of the President over the best interests of Israel,” she said. “So in some respects, they sold out Israel.”

So that got me thinking that it would be fun to round up some of the dumb shit Michele Bachmann has said. It was hard to narrow the list down to just 10.

1. Watch out for sex clinics in schools

During discussions about “school based health clinics” — which offer basic health services to school children in low income areas because kids tend to do better in school when they’re, you know, healthy — Bachmann referred to them as “sex clinics” and suggested kids might just swing by for quickie abortions.

“…[t]he bill goes on to say what’s going to go on — comprehensive primary health services, physicals, treatment of minor acute medical conditions, referrals to follow-up for specialty care. Is that abortion? Does that mean that someone’s 13-year-old daughter could walk into a sex clinic, have a pregnancy test done, be taken away to the local Planned Parenthood abortion clinic, have their abortion, be back and go home on the school bus that night? Mom and dad are never the wiser,” she said.

Absolutely. The logical conclusion is that comprehensive primary health services, physicals and referrals to follow-up for specialty care actually mean drive-through abortions. At sex clinics. Also, what the hell is a sex clinic?

2. She’s got the spirit of a serial killer

Wanting everyone in her hometown of Waterloo, Iowa to know what kind of person she was, she said, “Well what I want them to know is just like John Wayne was from Waterloo, Iowa. That’s the kind of spirit that I have, too.”

Except it was John Wayne Gacy, the serial killer who raped and murdered dozens of teen boys who was from Waterloo. The other John Wayne was from Winterset, Iowa. Whatever. Serial killer, famous Hollywood star. Tomato, to-mah-to.

3. Evolution might not be a thing

This one needs no introduction. ‘Cause we all know evolutions is silly. Bachmann said, “There is a controversy among scientists whether evolution is a fact or not.”

4. Slavery: Part of history, but, like, a different time or something

Yes, Bachmann agrees that slavery was “evil” and “a stain or our history,” but the upside is that it was a long time ago. Way before our country was founded. “But we also know that the very founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States,” she said.

Michele Bachmann on slavery
Source: Giphy

5. The real WMD: Taxes

During a 2011 speech, Bachmann called the current tax code a “weapon of mass destruction.”

Fortunately, George Bush didn’t hear the assertion. Who knows what could have become of the US if these two had discussed WMDs over ice cream.

George Bush and Michele Bachmann
Source: Politico

6. Carbon dioxide is good… because it’s natural

”Well what is carbon dioxide?” she asked “…Carbon dioxide is a natural…It occurs in earth. In fact, life on planet earth can’t even exist without carbon dioxide…. Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn’t even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas.”

Because everything that is natural is safe and healthy. Obviously.

7. Today the Census Bureau collects your info. Tomorrow you could be in an internment camp.

Bachmann reminded Americans that bad things could happen with the info the Census Bureau collects. She wasn’t saying it will happen. She was just saying that you never know when you might end up in a Japanese internment camp if you fill out the Census form.

“Take this into consideration. If we look at American history, between 1942 and 1947, the data that was collected by the Census Bureau was handed over to the FBI and other organizations at the request of President Roosevelt, and that’s how the Japanese were rounded up and put into the internment camps … I’m not saying that that’s what the Administration is planning to do, but I am saying that private personal information that was given to the Census Bureau in the 1940s was used against Americans to round them up, in a violation of their constitutional rights, and put the Japanese in internment camps.”

8. Marriage equality: the biggest issue that exists… and gays are bullies

Listen, you may think people have real problems that matter, like hunger, job loss, homelessness. But seriously, stop being an asshole.

The way Bachmann saw it, there was One Big Issue that mattered to the citizens of her state. And that was marriage equality. “This is probably the biggest issue that will impact our state and our nation in the last, at least, 30 years. I am not understating that,” she told a radio show host.

And just last week when talking about Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer’s decision to veto SB 1062, she ascertained that gays are bullies.

“I think the thing that is getting a little tiresome, the gay community, they have so bullied the American people, and they’ve so intimidated politicians. The politicians fear them, so that they think they get to dictate the agenda everywhere,” Bachmann said.

What the fuck is that?
Source: Reaction Gifs

9. You can thank the democrats for the swine flu

One thing we can all agree on: The swine flu sucks. Bachmann isn’t saying Obama caused it. She’s just saying it’s an awfully interesting coincidence that there was an outbreak during Obama’s presidency, given who was president the last time we had this issue.

“I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out then under another Democrat president Jimmy Carter. And I’m not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it’s an interesting coincidence,” she said.

Obama and the Swine Flu

10. Mostly everything Bachmann says makes no sense

Enjoy. And remember: No matter how drunk you got at the last company happy hour, you probably sounded smarter than this. You’re welcome.

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  • Jon

    How about a top ten dumb things uttered by Obama? Would love to see a weekly series on that. Nobody dumber than that guy. Want a complete moron. The only people dumber than Obama are the ones who vote for him.

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