Think there’s just one kind of bro? You’ve got it all wrong. There is a bro for every color of the rainbow – and you’ve been acquainted with them whether you know it or not. Here are the different types of bros you knew back in college.
This is the most stand-up bro of them all. He stands for honor and justice, and is a generally good dude to everyone he comes in contact with.
Favorite activity: Running for fraternity president, hunting wild game.
Bronan the Barbarian
This is your average meathead bro who practically lives to work out. He is a warrior of the highest order and will always have your back in a fight.
Favorite activity: Crushing enemies, seeing them driven before him, hearing the lamentations of their women.
This is your Japanese exchange student bro. Propel him headlong into American college society by throwing a party in his honor and introducing him to every easy girl who loves foreign dudes.
Favorite activity: Upgrading his fellow bros from Sapporo to Kirin.
What started out as a class clown… eh, who are we kidding, this guy will always be the class clown. Bronan is good for a joke, but when you realize he’s always “on” you’ll want to keep your distance.
Favorite activity: Compulsively filling silence, never shutting the fuck up.
He’s not necessarily gay – he just loves his bros to death and would do anything for them.
Favorite activity: Providing rides, buying the first pitcher, helping you move in and out.
This is the oppressive bro. He wants to micromanage your life and control everything from the volume of your music to the place you order out from.
Favorite activity: Posting passive-aggressive notes on the fridge, violating human rights.
The brofessional is dependable, studies hard, speaks intelligently and always dresses well.
Favorite activity: Spouting meaningless business jargon, working, polishing his resume.
Brosemite Sam is short and has a serious complex about it. He’s always itchin’ for a fight and won’t hesitate to take on the biggest guy in the room.
Favorite activity: Throwing down, picking fights with cartoon rabbits.
This is the bro that you used to hang out with right at the beginning of college before he got a girlfriend and was never heard from again. His existence is almost a myth by now.
Favorite activity: Watching his girlfriend shop.