Fiction is not real-life; we know this and we know this well. But sometimes fictional characters are just so predictably ridiculous in the unrealistic way they live their lives or the way events play out that it completely takes us out of the experience. Here are some of the most unrealistic things fictional characters do.
Married to Their Jobs
Is it just me or is it true that when work is over people want to get the fuck out of there? Well, not so much on TV. Characters are either slackers that can’t hold a job or they work day and night and have no life whatsoever outside of work because they choose not to.
Biggest offenders: ER, CSI
Live in Huge Homes No Matter What Their Income
Oh, I didn’t realize that young people with low-to-average salaries can easily afford expensive-as-shit apartments in hip urban neighborhoods, did you?
Biggest offenders: 2 Broke Girls, Friends
And then always end up being okay in the end because they explained their insecurities to the person they basically betrayed afterward. Didn’t you learn on the last episode that lying and being petty doesn’t.fucking.work?
Biggest offender: Modern Family
Is it just me or are fictional characters always ready to sacrifice themselves at a moment’s notice for the good of the collective or even just one other person they’re trying to do right by? They’re always trying to redeem themselves, and let me tell you, this couldn’t be any more inaccurate based on what we know about human nature, self-preservation and general survival instincts.
Biggest offender: Any piece of fiction wherein a bomb needs to be defused manually
Celebrate Thanksgiving with Friends or Coworkers
Don’t these people have families they celebrate major holidays with? Nope, instead they’re celebrating with the same people that happen to be in their storylines anyway. Wouldn’t it be more fun to see each character’s struggles as they celebrate holidays with their own families?
Biggest offender: How I Met Your Mother
Well at least Lily’s dad was at Slapsgiving…
Get Over the Death of a Loved One Ridiculously Fast
I’m not sure about you, but it makes me pretty sick to see how quickly fictional characters get over the death of loved ones, especially if they’ve been in an intimate relationship with them. I’m looking at you, every fucking character in True Blood.
Biggest offender: Every fucking character in True Blood
Source: Perez Hilton
Die Ridiculously Fast
Usually when someone is shot they take quite a while to breathe their last breath. But on TV and in film, for brevity’s sake – and whether someone is shot, stabbed or crushed – their body doesn’t fight it and they don’t go unconscious… they just sort of die. That’s not how the human body works.
Biggest offender: Everything except for ER
Perfectly Groomed No Matter What
It doesn’t matter if it’s the apocalypse or just the morning after an all-nighter, fictional characters in television and film always look like they’d be ready to strut the red carpet. All the shine without none of the shit, shower and shave.
Biggest Offender: The Walking Dead
Don’t Speak Up
This happens all the time; a character gets caught in a situation which they could easily talk themselves out of if they had any sort of cojones. Instead they get interrupted until they’re exasperated enough to just go along with it.
Biggest Offender: Every quirky teen comedy ever made.