Report: Kim Jong Undead

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Wed, Apr 6 - 3:03 pm EDT | 2 years ago by
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Reports out of North Korea today are that Kim Jong-Un has become undead. It’s unclear at this time whether this was a medical necessity to overcome health problems, a transhuman military experiment, or an act of solidarity with his left-wing supporters. The zombified Jong-un has been seen walking the streets of Pyongyang, eating the flesh and brains of peasants. Known for his expanding waistline, due to a penchant for steak and Cristal, Jong-undead is estimate to need to eat at least 10 percent of the country’s population in order to sustain himself.

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UPDATE: It appears there was minor translation error of the reports out of North Korea. Kim Jong is not undead. He is actually reported to BE dead. Our apologizes for the error.

On Tuesday, Twitter news spread like wildfire that the North Korean dictor was killed in a “military intervention.”

One tweet from @KoreaDefenceMin read: “URGENT. Unconfirmed report from Korean military sources. North Korean leader Kim Jong-un has been killed or seriously injured. No details.”

The Twitter account has been since suspended.

We have not been able to confirm the actual state of Kim Jong-un’s health at this time. Calls to his friend and confidante Dennis Rodman have gone unanswered.

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