Women Caught Smuggling Horse Genitals in Juice Boxes

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Fri, Feb 17 - 2:20 pm EST | 9 months ago by
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    We’ve all done it (or, at least, have considered it). You traveled somewhere and you bought something that maybe you shouldn’t bring home with you but you don’t want to leave it behind. Sometimes, it’s jewelry and you want to avoid paying duty taxes. Sometimes, it’s as minor as a bottle of juice you bought before the security checkpoint that you just don’t want to give up.

    Other times, it’s a bunch of horse genitals. We’ve all been there, right? Didn’t think so.

    A pair of women arrived at Dulles International Airport in Virginia from Mongolia this week and the Customs and Border Protection agents made a startling recovery. Not only did these ladies have 42 pounds of horse meat in their possession but, among that, there was 13 pounds of horse genitals hidden in juice boxes.

    Somewhere in here, there’s a joke worthy of a Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg skit but we’ll leave that up to you to figure out.

    Anyway, when the agents questioned the women about the genitals, she said she brought them for “medicinal purposes.” Can we just agree to not have her elaborate on this one? Neither woman, who were also in possession of some delicious yak milk, was criminally charged.

    I don’t even know what to make of this but it’s kind of a big deal. There’s a good reason why bringing this kind of meat into the country is prohibited. Apparently, it comes with a risk of spreading foot-and-mouth-disease among other illnesses.

    Plus, who wants meat that has not been refrigerated for however long it took to travel from Mongolia to Virginia? That in itself has to be some sort of health hazard, right? Ugh, I don’t even want to think about the stuff hidden in some people’s luggage.

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