14 Tons Of Oreo Cookies Spilled In Truck Accident

President Bush Declares Illinois Highway A Disaster Area, FEMA Rushes Milk Trucks to Scene

The White House was in crisis management mode today as news of a truck accident in Illinois, in which 14 tons of Oreo cookies spilled out on to the highway, rocked the nation.

The iconic double-stuffed cookies strained local resources as Illinois residents sent out a desperate plea for 400,000 gallons of milk and 1.2 million plastic cups.

The National Guard was sent in to prevent looting by first and second graders who favor the cookie and who are often able to trade two cookies for a full peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Anxious to avoid the kind of criticism leveled after its Hurricane Katrina performance, FEMA vowed that it was already mobilizing dairy farmers in four states and said that shipments of toothbrushes and toothpaste were already on the way to help local residents get “that black stuff off their teeth and highways.”

In other news, rapper Kanye West accused the Bush administration of not doing enough to save the outer part of the Oreo.

“George Bush doesn’t care about black cookies,” said West. “Does anyone here believe that the response would have taken this long if the accident had involved Vanilla Wafers?”

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The horror … the horror ….

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