5 Reasons John Madden Can’t Retire

Have you heard that John Madden is retiring? I have to say, I’m very sad about this, mostly because he is just such a character in the world of sports. As I started thinking about what the football world would do without him, I realized there are certain things John has brought to the world that simply cannot be replaced. I titled these my “Five Reasons John Madden Can’t Retire.” See if you agree.

1. Frank Caliendo will have to find new material. Frank is a Wisconsin native, and for that alone I will always love him. But it’s his impression of John Madden that really gets me guffawing. I hear him live sometimes on our local station with Bob & Brian and I just sit back and let the gigglemonster grab hold.

2. Al Michaels will have to begin the long search for a new partner. Again. Just when Al thought he’d found the right color guy in John Madden, he (or the network) will have to find another personality to match his play-by-play and occasional over/under shtick.

3. The Madden Curse may be disrupted. I personally like things I can rely on. The Madden Curse is one of them. How will the work change if players actually get better and keep playing after they grace the cover of Madden’s game boxes? I shudder to think.

4. Turducken may become obsolete. I had never heard of a turducken before John Madden. Will this symbol of good luck and Thanksgiving delicacy fly off to the wayside now that Madden is not there to triumph such a dish?

5. The cross-country bus tour will cease. I personally loved a guy who was so afraid to fly that he drove a bus everywhere he went. It gave hope to my own irrational fears. By hauling that bus everywhere he went, Madden let us believe that even though your fear is not shared by millions, it is okay for you to go ahead and honor it. And if you can add football players faces to your bus along the way? All the better.

Image: Bauer-Griffin