A Round of Applause for the Fellas
November 7, 2008 by Kelly Turner
Filed under Fitness
I was watching TV with the boy, when, as always, a gorgeous girl came on. Perfect figure, perfect skin, no cellulite or blemishes to speak of.
I assumed he was oggling her, because, you know, he’s a guy. I watched him watch her. (I don’t know if you’ve ever watched anyone watch TV, but they don’t move. Its like they are hypnotized. It could be a commercial for adult diapers, but anyone watching always looks so sucked in.) He didn’t blink for minutes. I knew he was wishing I could look like her, or worse, he was wishing he could be with her instead of me.
I began to stew until I blurted out, “Girls don’t look like that! She’s too skinny. I don’t know how her kneecaps don’t snap backwards like a flamingo under the stress of holding up her enormous boobs.”
“I know! I have eyes! Will you stop wailing about it!”
I suck. I suck, first of all, because I tore that girl down, without knowing her, based on her appearance because it made me self concious. I suck, secondly, because I don’t give my guy, or any guy, enough credit.
Guys see more real life naked girls than we do. I guess I can really only speak for myself, but I was never one to walk around the locker room naked or change in front of my friends. While guys look at airbrushed porn and Hustler mags, they also see the real womanly form on a fairly regular occasion. And they love it.
I will admit that I have looked at youporn.com. If you have not, its just a free site with home movie clips (oh god, I hope my family isn’t reading this….) Basically, free porn with real people.
Sex is not pretty. Women are…well, not pretty. Guys, either. BUT its real. The home video camera does not lie, especially when you are spread eagle.
I know guys that watch youporn.com more than regular porn. Sure, because its free. But its also real people. They don’t need the air brushing, the special lighting and the editing. They don’t need the big, fake boobs, and the itty-bitty waists.
Women are so conditioned to dislike the way we look, that we can’t even imagine a guy finding our stretch marks, cellulite and stubbly legs attractive. (Correct me if I’m wrong, guys) but I really don’t think they even notice them. My boyfriend prefers me without make up. When I’m in my sweats, hair tied in a knot, and no makeup on is when I get the most compliments from him (which, quite frankly, is annoying when I actually put forth some effort to look good if we go out.)
Sorry, guys. We assume you see us the way we see ourselves. We also assume that you are just as judgmental of the female body as females are. So, when we tear down another girl’s appearance to you, or pinch you on that really painful, sensitive spot on the back of your arm for watching a pretty girl on TV for too long, its not your fault. Its ours, and we know it. In the end, it makes us look insecure, uptight, and judgemental, but just know its because, well, we are.
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Excellent points. Most of the guys I know prefer no make up on girls, and my ex preferred me in regular jeans and a t-shirt as opposed to when I get all dolled up.
I’m with you in the apologies to guys! We DON’T give them enough credit a lot of the time.
God this so ties in to what I was blogging about the other day. Excellent post.
Hey, on a totally unrelated topic, I was wondering why you chose to get ACE certified as opposed to say, ACSM or some other cert. Thanks! :-)
UUHH I hate it when a really pretty girl comes on TV and I can’t help but look to see how he’s reacting. I’ll even test him to see how much he’s paying attention to her by asking him a question and judging how long it takes him to respond…shame on me! And I’ll also admit this…I purposly don’t go to movies with female nudity in them with him because I always leave feeling self conscious, feeling like he wished I looked like her and everything else you just described.
The thing is, if it were up to me, there would be no porn, no strip clubs, no playboy, and no pretty skanky girls at bars. Even though my boy is very well behaved and doesn’t partake in any of the above (seriously, he’s the only guy I know without a porn collection) I still feel like since these options are avaliable, he must WANT to partake, he just knows it will upset me. Just thinking that he may want to go to a stripclub is enough to make me feel bad about myself….
Wow, I think you opened a whole can of worms for me Kelly, I might piggy back your idea into my post today (I’ll link to yours of course), what’s the answer though, how do we ladys stop the madness???
Great post–I know exactly what you are talking about.
**claps for men**
Sagan- arent boys like that the best though? I dont have to care, and feel truely myself. a firend of mine was dating a girl that would leave in the morning before anyone else got up because she didnt want us to see her without make up. We would all go to breakfast in our sweats with morning breath and and messy hair and have great time: and she would miss it because she had to be perfect 100% of the time. LAME.
Sassy- it was the first one I found that I could just study on my own time, cause I was working full time at the time. Different places accept different certifications, so I picked one of the more mainstream that fit into the time I had to put towards it.
MB- I commented on your post, but to reiterate: im more jealous of fake girls. TV and movie girls. I have the greatest boyfriend in the world, who is adorably clueless to the opposite sex, so even when I see girls hitting on him at his concerts, i dont care cause he doesnt even notice. but seeing him watch fakely beautiful girls bothers me. and i know its more a reflection on me, and how these women make me feelself concious than him looking at them. I feel like i have to justify my appearance, and belittle hers, no matter how fake, to even the playing field.
It’s ok, I get super angry when I see very skinny women who somehow still have boobs too :)
hubby and I are the opposite……….I am always saying how hot other woman are…….and he tears ‘em down..go figure……..one for Dr. Phil!
My husband once pointed out to me (because I didn’t know) that women are SO much more judgmental of women’s looks than men are.
GREAT reminder Kelly. Our guys are better than we give them credit for, and if anybody seriously believes her guy doesn’t appreciate her body OR that he compares it to hot media chicks, she should kick his ungrateful ass out.
Ha! Funny! Enjoy the weekend!
Kelly,
You’re right. I think girls are much more unforgiving with regards to their looks than guys. I can really only speak for myself and my close guy friends, but I really can’t even notice some of the things my girlfriend notices most of the time. It’s just stuff that doesn’t even register with guys.
But don’t be too hard on yourself, it look like you realize the situation. It’s the girls that have no clue that they are doing it that really gets to guys.
Thanks for the post!
All the Best,
Andrew R
Don’t be too hard on yourself for judging. It happens to the best of us. Just remember: don’t hate, congratulate!
Heather
Oh how I loved this line: “I don’t know how her kneecaps don’t snap backwards like a flamingo under the stress of holding up her enormous boobs” because I have had similar thoughts on many occassions. But I love even more how you tied it to something positive: having faith in those who love us. Sometimes I think we girls get so uptight about what our men *might* be looking at that it turns into a self-fulfilling prophesy, you know? Three cheers for good men!
Nice post
I thoroughly agree that girls are far more judgmental than guys are. And, as much as I hate to say it, I can get that judgmental attitude, too! But instead I try to think “good for her…she has great legs!” instead of getting jealous. However, it can be really hard to not be judgmental. We girls can be bitches sometimes ;)
I love you for writing this Kelly! I’m always amazed that my husband fixates on the parts of myself that I can’t stand. But he truly does love me and he knows that I’m REAL. I think we could learn a lot by looking at ourselves through the eyes of our (good) men. Thank you again – I’m going to love my jiggly booty today.
a) i love the guy for not buying into the media hype and for complimenting you when sweaty and freshly worked-out
b) don’t beat yourself up for any kind of judging…it’s natural and you’re still a good person
If my husband ogles, and he really doesn’t much (or I don’t notice) he seems to prefer athletic types with short hair. I love this about him, especially because I grew up in beauty pageant land Texas where hair is long and boobs are big. And because athletic types with short hair isn’t the stereotype of what a man typically ogles, I think it’s only fair to let him ogle if the opportunity arises. Fortunately for me, I am athletic and have short hair:-)
Haha yeah, guys always tell me they like girls better without make up.
holy geez, is it just your guy or are you just extremely lucky?? b/c i totally would’ve done the same thing as you…
ps- i finally made that acorn squash recipe so it’ll be up this week :)
I totally agree with you here that so many guys are always saying how they like “natural” girls – yet at the same time, a lot of guys SAY that, but don’t act on it… As a fairly low-maintenace, single girl (who hasn’t even been asked on a date in over a year) I must say I am SO sick of guys saying “I wish I could find a girl who wasn’t so high maintance, or didn’t need to wear so much make-up, dress up all the time, take 8 hours to get ready, etc…” yet those are the girls who they ALWAYS ask out! Not normal girls like me that they say they are looking for! Ugh… sorry, I’m frustrated with men lately. :) LOL But seriously, you’re right – we don’t always give guys enough credit and we women are way too hard on ourselves sometimes!