A Special Post from Calvin Johnson on 4/20

Have you ever really looked at your hands? I mean, really looked at your hands? They’re freaking awesome. Everybody always says “Calvin Johnson has great hands.” I never thought about it, but I do. I mean, look at them. They’re so awesome. Man, my fingers are so weird. But, you know, a good weird. Like, I can do anything with these hands. Hands. Hands. Hands. Sands. Bands. Lands. Hands. Hahahaha. (Cough)

I’m glad the Raiders aren’t going to take me in the draft. Look at that logo. The pirate’s all, yarrr! Pirates are so lame. They don’t even have hands. They have hooks. Ninjas are so much cooler than pirates. Have you ever seen Ninja Warrior? I could totally do that.

Hey, do you have a copy of the Gator Bowl? It totally syncs up with Dark Side of the Moon. You don’t. Well, it totally does, you have to see it.

Man, I want a slushie.

Hey, you ever wonder why only one person can go in motion? Freaking Fascists, man. You have to stand here. You have be on the line of scrimmage. You can only have elevent players on the field. So many rules, man. Why does the man have to restrict us. They’re afraid of freedom. Prohibition never worked, man. Why can’t lineman catch the ball? Why can’t everyone be eligible? Everybody’s got to be labeled. It’s a travesty.

Oh dude, I love this song.

…Emancipate yourself from mental slavery;

None but ourselves can free our mind..

 Whoa