Actual Meaning Translator: The Pete Carroll Sources Edition

Pete Carroll is expected to be offered the positions of Falcons head coach, general manager, and quarterback.

Because USC terrifies me, I was excited to hear that Pete Carroll may be heading to Atlanta. But I remained suspicious; I remained wary. Why would Pete Carroll leave the comfort of USC to go to a team that recently has employed Joey Harrington. Something was fishy, and so, I put the reports through the actual meaning translator. Didn’t think the translator of actual meanings worked on things that weren’t verbatim quotes, did you? You shouldn’t doubt like that.

Southern California coach Pete Carroll is interested in the Falcons’ head coach opening and spoke with Atlanta owner Arthur Blank via phone Wednesday, sources at the American Football Coaches Convention in Anaheim told ESPN’s Joe Schad.

Blank, who has also been searching for a general mangager (sic), was expected to offer full control of personnel decisions to Carroll, and the sources said that is what intrigues Carroll most. The coach is currently on vacation in Hawaii.

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Pete Carroll wants a raise.