AIG Joke Roundup

You know what they say – you either have to laugh or cry. AIG has given us plenty to cry about this week. Time for some laughs.

For those of you who, like me, are too busy working hard to make sure you don’t lose your job to relax catch the late night humor, here’s what you’ve been missing. Thanks to Daniel Kurtzman, About.com Political Humor Guide for compiling these jokes. (Go visit him, he’s got more!)

“The insurance company AIG has announced they’re giving their executives another $165 million in bonuses. So they bankrupt the company, took $170 billion of our dollars, and they’re giving out bonuses. You know the main thing they want to reward their people for? Convincing the Treasury Department to give $170 billion to a failing company so that they can give out bonuses for a job well done.” –Jay Leno

“The federal government agreed on Sunday to provide an additional $30 billion to AIG. According to AIG, $15 billion will be used to build the world’s biggest toilet, down which the other $15 billion will be flushed.” –Seth Meyers

“Astronomers say they have discovered enormous black holes 5 billion light years from Earth that is sucking up everything in their path. They named the black holes ‘AIG-1′ and ‘AIG-2.’” –Jay Leno

“The insurance company AIG has announced they’re giving their executives another $165 million in bonuses. So they bankrupt the company, took $170 billion of our dollars, and they’re giving out bonuses. You know the main thing they want to reward their people for? Convincing the Treasury Department to give $170 billion to a failing company so that they can give out bonuses for a job well done.” –Jay Leno

“Do you know what AIG stands for? Adventures in Greed.” –Jay Leno

“Now it turns out AIG gave $35 billion of our money to bail out Europeans. See this is how a global economy works. Our hard-earned tax dollars are used to bail out German banks for making bad investments in American companies that shut down because the Japanese owners moved the whole thing to India, China and Mexico.” –Jay Leno

“The federal government agreed on Sunday to provide an additional $30 billion to AIG. According to AIG, $15 billion will be used to build the world’s biggest toilet, down which the other $15 billion will be flushed.” –Seth Meyers

“The Federal Reserve chairman said today that the $700 billion bailout of the banks is not going to be enough money. When did the Federal Reserve become like a car mechanic, you know? ‘Yeah, we can get the economy running for maybe $700 billion, but there’s no guarantee it’s not gonna stall out on you.’ Well, now, the government has given AIG $30 billion more. We gave them $165 billion. Now we’re giving them $30 billion. You know what AIG stands for? ‘And it’s gone!’” –Jay Leno

“When is it — I mean we’re not even talking millions, we’re talking billions — and when is it enough? Even kids have to do something for their allowance, don’t they? Can’t we get these AIG guys to mow the lawn or take out the garbage? Do something. Pick up trash in orange jump suits, maybe?” –Jay Leno

“Talk about the age we live in. I saw this today. They unveiled a totally new method of snow removal. Did you hear about this? What they do, is they put A.I.G. in charge of it and the snow just disappears.” -Jay Leno

“In real estate news, the octo-mom just bought a home here in Southern California for $565,000. How is she paying for this? She’s got 14 kids, no job and no credit. Who financed this deal, A.I.G.?” –Jay Leno

“And AIG, you know the insurance company who’s getting over $11 billion of our dollars in bailout money? Well, they announced they’re giving 130 of their executives cash awards of up to $3 million. These are cash awards, not bonuses. They say they are payments to guarantee that their top executives stay with the company. Oh, yeah, God forbid AIG should lose any of these business geniuses. Imagine what kind of shape they’d be in without these people. Again, these are cash awards, not bonuses. So we should send them to jail, not prison, see?” –Jay Leno

Image: PR Photos