Let’s say you stop by the receptionist’s desk and ask about her kids. Do you really care or do you just want her to help you with a project that afternoon? Either way, she knows. And she will immediately judge you as being with or without guile. As authentic or inauthentic.

And it is crucial that you are honest with yourself about your motives. We live in a world where flattery and false concern are ubiquitous social lubricants. “Wow, have you lost weight?! FIVE pounds?! Get out of town! WOOOO! By the way I need that report by 2.” Feh. It’s BS and everyone knows it’s BS.

So if you do care about the receptionist’s kids, by all means, ask away. But don’t feign curiosity about little Tyler’s playground mishap just to cover-up (or even just to soften) your hidden agenda of getting her to collate documents for tomorrow’s meeting. She’ll respect you more if you are straight with her – and then she won’t have to feign concern about that fender-bender story you’re telling everyone about.

I knew she was well respected and liked by both staff and patients but I didn’t understand how much until my family was asked to attend a memorial service for her at the hospital this summer. A grass roots movement had taken place to honor my mother with the organizations first management recognition award. The award would be for new managers that exemplified the qualities of Bonnie Danielson.

One of the qualities mentioned was authenticity. Imagine my surprise when I see a post on authenticity that uses the definition I’ve been reconciling. She was the manager of the Oncology Special Care Unit at the University of Nebraska Medical Center. I don’t know if the award will be approved by the executive leadership team but I do think it will be a test of their authenticity.

Isn’t it absolutely amazing to learn or understand something from somewhere you didn’t expect it.

Thank you very much for the post and comments. It has helped.

Chris Danielson

For example, I once interviewed the Buddhist mayor of Cave Creek, Arizona, for a book I was writing. He was able to tell me, very clearly, how he enacted his values of Mindful Listening and Right Speech in his mayoral role. He had been elected three times in a town that prides itself (with bumber stickers even) on being “the town to tough to govern.”

I also think that there is much confusion about authenticity because there is much confusion about values: about what they are exactly, about how they may change over a lifetime, and about how they inform decisions and behavior.

Slacker Manager muses today about authenticity at work. Authenticity must be one of the most misused words in the English language, so it’s refreshing to see someone thinking about it honestly. One part of the posting caught my eye…

Truth has to be valued above all things and it has to be expressed in love. You made the point of the “closed fist” above and you’re right. Too often we get the clocked by that closed fist; however, if relationships are being done correctly we have to ask the question: Is the closed fist just accountability to the truth? Many of us try to hide behind this “authenticity” banner and we’re not authentic when we’re agressive or passive; however, it’s not about being agressive or passive – it’s about pursuing truth with the proper dose of love.

If you’re all love then doing damage to the relationship because you are soft and enable the person to be co-dependent; but on the other hand if you’re all truth then you end up beating the other person up without any compassion and bitterness and resentment result.

Balance these two things well and relationships will be no big deal!

Thanks for sharing your thoughts Ben – please keep them coming.

There’s a thought-provoking post over at Slacker Manager about the good stuff that comes from being an authentic co-worker. One of the hardest things for me is to ask

Originally, way back when, I started becoming compulsively honest not through any desire to be a better person, but rather because I was just plain lazy. Honesty facilitates laziness in a way that dishonesty never can. Second, I became compulsively open, which, in combination with honesty, lets people know exactly where I stand on all issues. Very rarely is anyone left guessing what I’m thinking. Admittedly, my openness originally stemmed from the fact that I found it really shocked people (certainly in some types of conversations more than others).

Eventually, though, I found that full disclosure was as powerful a weapon in business and social relationships as is dishonesty, perhaps more so. For example I am never blamed for anything at work that is not my fault. Why? Because if it was my fault I would have stepped forward and accepted blame long before people had an opportunity to start conspiring to blame me. Honesty and openness have become a way of life for me now, and there’s no turning back.