That’s our take on treats. As for tricks, we have only one up our Banana Republic sweater, and that’s to thaw out the heart.

Oh, don’t go WTF-ing us. We’ll explain.

One of the running jokes on this blog is that we keep the heart in the freezer so it can stay good and cold. Every now and then we take it out for a thaw (and we have to be careful not to drop it on the floor. We like it frozen solid, not shattered!).

But the time has come to thaw it once and for all, for the we to become just me, and for me to say goodbye to Gossip On Sports.

I thank anyone whose ever read and enjoyed the blog (’cause hey, why would I thank the people who didn’t enjoy it?). It’s been a lot of fun and I hope I’ve made at least two or three of you chuckle. Anything more than that would make me cocky. Just kidding. Sort of.

I won’t go all Oscar-speech on you, but I do want to add that I appreciate The Bee’s love and support, not to mention encouragement from readers Caesar and Portia, Prospero, Bacchus, Pat from Vero, Rachel from NC, and the other half of Team Revision (always invoke the code!).

I’m leaving the blogdom for now, but maybe not forever. I’m trying my hand at a few other creative projects as well. So before you do cartwheels of joy at my departure, remember . . . our paths may cross again some day, so be nice!

Wow, that marks the first, and last, time on this blog that I’ve ever encouraged anyone to be nice. Hmm . . . I suppose that means the thaw is complete.

Post from: EveryJoe

Halloween, Treats, and a One-Time Only Trick

With that in mind, we’re ready to announce the winners of the caption contest from earlier this month!

To jog your memory (and to remind us that the candy OD is fine because we jogged and then ran on the treadmill for a long time today), we invited readers to submit a funny caption for this A-Rod photo:

Image: Used with permission of www.splashnewsonline.com

Participants had to use each of the following three phrases in the caption: strikeout, SpongeBob SquarePants, and Sarah Palin.

We asked The Bee and the other half of Team Revision (a.k.a. Pinky) for some help, and we picked not one but two winners. In no particular order, the two winning captions are *cue the drumroll and ignore the fact that it’s a cliche*

I strikeout and spongebob squarepants got a date with sarah palin . I though I’d never lose this this bet! I’M A-ROD!  —Submitted by reader glen pollard

Sarah Palin vs. SpongeBob Squarepants – who won the debate? who will strike out? My money’s on, uh, my face at the moment. Weird. —Submitted by reader R.H.

All were clever entries and picking a winner was not easy . . . hence the cop out and the fact that we picked two. Congrats to glen pollard and R.H. . . . a copy of Jordan McAuley’s Secrets to Contacting Celebrities will be on its way!

Post from: EveryJoe

Early Trick or Treat: Caption Contest Winners

Of the NFL, that is.

The buzz around the City on the Bay, the one where Tony Bennett left his heart (and no one has found it yet?), is that the 49ers may want the soon-to-be-erstwhile Secretary of State at the helm.

Condi hearts football and will be a first down or so away from San Francisco when she returns to academia at Stanford in January.

Does this mean George W. has a shot at the Dallas Cowboys if Jerry Jones, Jr. exits stage left?

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, possibly deciding on key free agent transactions for the San Francisco 49ers in the 2009 season.

Image: Used with permission of www.newscom.com

Post from: EveryJoe

Condoleezza Rice, Future President . . . Of the 49ers?

That’s only the most money offered to any TV hostess in Italy.

Why the interest? David Beckham will be on “loan” to AC Milan in the LA Galaxy’s offseason to keep his soccer skills sharp. (Did that underwear ad help inspire Milan to bring the hottie to town?) The fam could go with him and the proposed show would revolve around their day-to-day life in Italy. However, reports have also cropped up that Posh may give Italy the boot, though we wonder if that 16 mil will sweeten the pasta pot.  

P.S. Yeah, we know Italy is on the euro now. Lotsa Lira is just fun to say (and type).

Milan lured Beck. Can they lure Posh as well?

Image: Used with permission of www.newscom.com

Post from: EveryJoe

Lotsa Lira for Victoria Beckham to be on Italian TV

A. Eight gold medals in the 2008 Beijing Olympics

B. An affinity for smoking jackets

C. A mom who’s very enthusiastic about her son’s accomplishments.

D.

Correct answer: D. 

The blonde with the OK-paparazzi-it’s-been-fun-but-you-can-leave-now expression on her face is Holly Madison, recent ex-girlfriend of Hugh Hefner. And the word on the Strip is that Michael Phelps and Hef’s former opportunistic gold-digger honey have been spotted together in the City That Never Sleeps. (First Hank Bassett and Kendra Wilkinson, now Phelps and Madison? Are chicks who banged Hugh Hefner the new It Girl type among athletes?)

Hey, we’re not going to pry. Remember that—now humor us and pretend you didn’t see this coming from many Olympic-sized swimming pools away—what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

Image: Used with permission of www.splashnewsonline.com

Post from: EveryJoe

What Do Michael Phelps and Hugh Hefner Have in Common?

Alas, there’s always a means of consolation. For us, it typically comes in the form of Schadenfreude. When said joy through other people’s misery involves the New York Yankees, so much the better.

Case in point? Pitcher Joba Chamberlain’s arrest for alleged drunken driving. (Note the generous, legalese-inspired use of  “alleged.” His blood alcohol limit was .134). Here’s why we’re amused:

1. The very fact that Chamberlain is facing DUI charges, which affords us the opportunity to squeeze in one more “Joba the Hutt” reference this year.

2. He was in Nebraska. Nothing says “moneybags ballplayer” like hanging out in a Nebraska strip club.

3. He left the final watering hole on his Huffy Bike after being taunted about not playing for the Red Sox, since the Sox made it to the postseason and the Yankees did not (a highlight for us when we went to their last game of 2008).

Image: Used with permission of www.newscom.com

Post from: EveryJoe

Joba Chamberlain’s DUI: Blame It on the Red Sox

This is indeed a head-scratcher. See the WTF? moment for yourself (12s):

Post from: EveryJoe

VIDEO: When Refs Tackle Quarterbacks

“It Was Fun, Gyratin’ And Gruntin’ In Front Of All Them Liberal Media Types”

Governor Denies Relationship With Former Knick Charles Oakley

New York – Following news that Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin secretly signed an incentive-laden, deferred contract to play for the NBA’s New York Knicks beginning November 5^th,  eTrueSports has learned of a previous personal and business relationship between Palin and the team.

In an exhaustive, no-spandex-left-untouched investigation, eTS has established that Sarah Palin spent two seasons as a Knick City Dancer in the late 1990s.

When reached on the campaign trail, deep in Idaho’s Bitter Root Mountains, Palin admitted she had danced at Madison Square Garden, but denied rumors linking her romantically with then Knick power forward Charles Oakley.

“Charles and me, we were cool,” Palin said. “But that’s all there was to it.” As for dancing, Palin says she was proud to have made the Knicks’ dance team, despite being 15 years older than her colleagues.

“It was fun, gyratin’ and gruntin’ in front of all the liberal media types,” she said. “They slobbered themselves somethin’ silly.”

Palin dismissed a report that as part of her new player contract with the Knicks that she would be required to once again don spandex. “It’s my choice,” explained Palin. “Maybe for one of the fellas birthdays I might do a cake routine. We’ll see.”

In addition, Palin expressed frustration that the Vice-Presidential campaign was infringing on her basketball practice time, candidly admitting she was having trouble mastering the lay-up shot. “Usually I just bomb from the outside,” Palin said.

Post from: EveryJoe

Sarah Palin a Former Knicks Chick?

Rachelle Leah, host of MMA reality show UFC All-Access and erstwhile Octagon Ring Girl (you know, the chicks who parade around with the fight cards), is poser-of-the-month in the November 2008 issue of Playboy.

Rachelle Leah San Filippo, wearing more clothes here than we presume she is in Playboy.

Image: Used with permission of www.newscom.com.

The sports connection alone is enough to land Leah a coveted feature on this blog. (Hey! We were thisclose to typing “coveted feature” with a straight face). What really sealed the deal, though, is the fact that she is a fan of the Boston sports teams. In an interview with Dave Hollander of AOL Sports, the MMA darling says:

The reason I’m a Patriots fan is that I went to Game 1 of Boston winning the World Series in 2004 against St. Louis. It was my first time in Boston. And I fell in love with the city. I became an obsessed Red Sox fan. Boston is like the East Coast San Francisco to me. I just fell in love with all their teams and the spirit of that city. So I’ve been a die hard Red Sox, Patriots and Celtics fan ever since.

We, despite being of the chick gender, are going to engage in a bold move here. We’re going to speak on behalf of the horny male demographic comprising Boston fandom and convey a breathless “thank you” as well as a “Congrats on the cover!” (drool optional) to Ms. Leah.

Thanks to devoted reader Caesar for sending this our way!

Post from: EveryJoe

Playboy Cover Girl Gets a Nod from Gossip On Sports . . .

Either way, we’ve got just the think to make your credit card itchy/make you roll your eyes: David and Victoria Beckham’s possessions showed up on eBay. 

Image: Used with permission of www.splashnewsonline.com

Now, before you think happy-go-lucky Posh was bitten by the auction bug, we should clarify that the Beckhams themselves didn’t put the items—soccer memorabilia and dresses—on the block. Turns some servants with sticky fingers, and not because they just finished a caramel-dipped apple or something, went a little too klepto and got a little too greedy: Legal action has been taken against a housekeeper and several other staff members from the Beckhams’ 24-acre estate in England.

No mention has been made of a Stupid Pills overdose, but for the love of common sense (did these people think eBay was a secret?), someone please check into it. 

Post from: EveryJoe

Beckhams’ Stuff on eBay?