But no, Warney is fair dinkum Aussie through-and-through and will take a plate of shrimps and a couple of cold ones before any phallic-shaped pork substances.

And why not.

For more humourous plays on words on the issue, such as “herr replacement” such, have a gander at The Googly.

* Far be it from me to comment on football (or soccer as some weirdos might call it), but this seems like a rule from which football, or at least football in England, could really benefit.

Post from: EveryJoe

Streuth, Adolf Warne

* Galavanting around France on a motorbike since you asked

Post from: EveryJoe

Commercial Break

England got pounded in to the ground by a rampaging Indian batting attack, that kept going all the way down to number 11. The highlight of the day was the maiden test century, after 118 matches, for Anil Kumble, scoring a delightful 110* to give India a massive 664. Any hopes that England might have had of levelling the series with a win here have been totally dashed and sadly it’s now a case of doing their best to avoid 2-0. That means England must bat for 3 days, a feat that seems well beyond the grip of the current England batsmen.

Matt Prior came in for yet more abuse from all and sundry. After dropping Tendulkar yesterday with a diving attempt to his right and, as a result, having the outcome of the match, not to mention his fledgling career, called in to question, he unfortunately did himself no favours by repeating the mistake, early on day 2. This time it was VVS Laxman and a diving attempt, away to his right, to which he went one-handed. What’s worse than dropping a catch like that is when it was destined to plop neatly in to first slip’s hand. Instead, it dribbled away to the boundary for four and Sidebottom was deprived another wicket.

In this instance, Prior was in the wrong but it’s not surprising that he was looking to assert himself after the amount of shtick he got the previous day. The commentators and journalists collectively remarked that the debate over the England wicket-keeper was likely to be reignited, failing to realise that they themselves were the catalyst. Derek Pringle in particular, seems to have forgotten what happens on a cricket field in suggesting that Prior would be having difficulty absolving himself of the guilt. Guilt? I’m sorry? Guilt should never have a place on a cricket field and anyone who has played the game knows what it is like to drop a catch – and it is the duty of everyone else to bring your head up, to help them you move passed it and give you the courage to take the next chance. If Prior was indeed struggling on day 2, it was only as a result of people like Pringle getting the claws in at the very first available opportunity. Prior was also lambasted for letting through 33 byes. Judging by some of the mush that England’s “bowlers” were chucking down, it should have been considerably more. Did anyone not see Kevin Pietersen’s first delivery? A ball which pitched around middle, turned and Prior took it a good couple of foot outside leg stump. Commentators were silent.

And where is Andrew Strauss’ abuse? So he has just fielded for a day (but his night watchman replacement James Anderson, who had also fielded for a day, not to mention bowling 40 overs managed it), but he is a specialist batsmen and his only job was to bat for 8 overs and set up day 3. But he couldn’t even manage that, holing out to another hook-gone-wrong. Strauss is a considerably more senior player than Prior, who is still on the back of a run of bad form, scoring few runs. Yet Ian Botham dismissed it as “bad form” and all he needs is some time in the middle. Why was Prior not afforded a similar reprieve? Arguably Strauss’ lack of concentration will be more expensive than Prior’s indiscretions.

England’s bowlers toiled as best they could, but with Sidebottom suffering a sidestrain, Vaughan turned to the likes of KP. I have always felt that if you have to turn to a “part-time” bowler for any significant number of overs, then there has been an error in selection. KP had 6 overs for 40 odd, although did somehow manage to displace a combusting Dhoni. But it was Kumble’s (and not Tendulkar, or Laxman or Dhoni) day. On a final note on the Prior saga – if a batting card reads like the Indian’s does – that is, everyone scoring runs all the way down to number 11 (Sree Santh scored 32), then you can’t pin that on any one person.

As it stands, England need to bat for 3 days. They have 19 wickets. Now would be a great time for Cook to find some form and a maiden test century for Jimmy Anderson. But on a deteoriating wicket, with a swinging and turning ball, with the likes of Zaheer Khan and Anil Kumble to do the bowling, 2-0 is looking a likely outcome. I just hope Prior isn’t hung out to dry for it.

Post from: EveryJoe

Scapegoating can’t save England now

Matt Prior dropped Sachin Tendulkar on 20, missing a catch away to his right. Tendulkar is now not out on 48, so the drop has so far cost the side 28 (out of 316 scored on Day 1). Yet already, the hair is down and the gloves are off, Matt Prior takes the brunt for a lacklustre English display on a flat, slowish Oval batting track.

Derek Pringle writing for the Telegraph is particularly scathing – England made to rue Matt Prior mistake:

The edge flew to Prior’s right, but instead of taking a step and then the catch, his feet remained rooted to the spot… It was a bad miss… Prior’s footwork is poor on either side and even ignoring the catches he has fluffed, he has conceded more than 100 byes this summer…

Other commentators paint similar pictures that moreorless hand the entire day’s misery to the gloves of Matt Prior.

For starters, I would never classify the dropped catch as a regulation chance. Any catch where you’re diving at full stretch is not regulation. Secondly, he went with both gloves which is the first thing you are told as a young wicket-keeper. It seems likely that had he gone with just his right hand he would have caught it and would have been hailed a hero. (Of course, had he dropped it with one hand, he would have been berated for not going with both hands.) We have seen much easier chances go down, and they rarely raise up such a shitstorm. And finally, the drop in real terms has so far cost just 28 runs. That still leaves some 290 runs scored by the other Indian batsmen as a result of both good batting and uninspired bowling.

To heap such pressure on Prior is symptomatic of the way the English cricket system is working (failing?) at the moment. He has already received criticism for his constant chatter, but funnily enough there were no such criticisms when he was scoring centuries, nor when it seemed the question over the English wicket-keeper which has been a farce for so long had finally been answered.

And to heap criticism on him for the number of byes he has let through is outright ridiculous when you consider how many of them came from a genuine mistake as opposed to those that went pinging down 6 foot outside the leg stump from the consistently wayward bowling.

Sure, plenty of people have leapt to his defence, but in my opinion that should not be necessary, because criticism in this vein should never have been levelled at him in the first place. The perceived importance of the drop has been heightened due to it being Tendulkar which is wrong – Tendulkar is a shadow of his former self and is not scoring the sort of runs that made him so famous. A more important drop would have been Dravid or Ganguly.

In fact, we will only be able to gauge how important the drop was tomorrow, after we find out if Tendulkar goes on to make a big score. But it’s a no-win situation for Prior – he has already dropped the catch – so even if Tendulkar gets out first ball tomorrow morning he’s still had the spotlight for the wrong reasons. Should Tendulkar go on to score a hundred, then Prior will get the blame for England losing the series.

It’s hard enough being an England wicket-keeper without the barrage of garbage that come from these people. Judge first, think second.

Here’s to Prior winning this game for England and giving a big one fingered salute to all the doubters.

Post from: EveryJoe

Oh dear God – is it any wonder?

Giles was an oft-lambasted cricketer, especially in the follow-up Ashes series, where Fletcher preferred him over Monty Panesar in the opening couple of games of the series, which sealed England’s 5-nil Ashes-losing whitewash. Criticism of “Gilo” was arguably unfair, considering that he was simply doing what he wanted: to play for England, and that it was Fletcher and Flintoff who were selecting him to play, despite his having been out of action with the hip injury.

He was involved in a humourous incident, whereby a set of mugs that were supposed to say “King of Spin” had a typo, earning him the title of “King of Spain”.

No doubt Gilo will be on Sky Sports any day now.

Post from: EveryJoe

King of Spain retires from cricket

Well, first things first, I, and just about anyone else talking about it, got the predictions completely wrong. Now, I’m not so full of it so as to think it was my kiss of death that did for Lancashire and Sussex, but a combined effort from the entire cricketing media (moreorless), was certainly working in Gloucester and Kent’s favour.

Seconds things second, what a great day of cricket! I had planned to keep updating the site throughout the day, but couldn’t tear myself away from the action. 21,000 people in the Edgbaston crowd were treated to some fantastic cricket (not to mention a few million more watching on the TV) – the fact that things didn’t turn out as might have been expected was all the better for it.

I asked for a great day of cricket, and that’s what we got. Which means, hurray, I can say it! Cricket was the winner yesterday*.

Having seen the final, the semi-finals are all but a blur. Lancashire were out of sorts and a fired up Gloucestershire, led by a remarkable innings from Spearman saw them home with more than 3 overs to go. Sussex vs Kent was a similar story, where an innings from Kent captain (and man of the match) Rob Key saw them home relatively easily. If it feels like I’m skirting over the details of the semi-finals, it’s because I am. Put simply, Gloucester and Kent deserved to be in the final and the teams that were tipped for the spots barely turned up. Such is the nature of Twenty20, I suppose, but we certainly were not denied a thrilling final. Quite the opposite, in fact.

Gloucester get off to a slow start. Somehow manage to claw it back. Ryan Mclaren gets a hat-trick. Post a modest total of 140 odd. Kent start well but get pegged back. Handbags and toys thrown from the pram as Rob Key showed his displeasure at getting out. Finish goes down to the last over, with Kent needing 13 from the last 6 balls. The first ball disappears for 4. 9 from 5. Dot. 9 from 4. No ball! Hit for 4! KENT WIN!

Incredible. Not so incredible? Hamish Marshall getting booed as he went to collect his runners-up trophy, considering that he was arguably “man of the day”.

Nevertheless, a fantastic day of cricket.

Post from: EveryJoe

Never underestimate the power of the kiss of death

Watch the video, and decide for yourself:

What do you think? I still believe, as I concluded at the time, that it genuinely slipped out. Unless Sree is a phenomenal actor, his apology seems real. KP is stunned, rightly, but it’s also clear that Vaughan wasn’t so sure it was an accident.

Compare the reactions of the commentators, though: Nasser Hussein (above), versus Mark Nicholas and Geoffrey Boycott (below), both of whom laugh and describe it as funny:

It just goes to show how convoluted and out of whack the whole situation got. Jelly beans on the pitch was supposed to be funny and got taken very seriously whereas people bowling beamers is funny. I’m not convinced.

Post from: EveryJoe

85mph at your head = funny?

Andrew Flintoff looks set to play a part for Lancashire, as part of his wider bid to get back in the England side. Jimmy Anderson will be back for Lancashire, and Matt Prior for Sussex.

A Sussex Lancashire final looks most likely, and I’d tip Sussex to pip Lancs in the final. They’ve looked the best all round side throughout the season as Lancashire’s impressive lineup has failed to make a mark on my dodgy memory. It could easily go a totally a different way, altogether, with the likes of Lasith Malinga turning out for Kent and Gloucs are something like at full strength, with Jon Lewis and Alex Gidman in the side.

The ECB really need today to go down with a bang – a day that must be remembered for the cricket, the cricket and only the cricket. They need three close and thrilling encounters to remind the spectators (and critics) why it’s a great game, and to try to brush under the carpet some of the less savoury goings-on that have crept in in recent times.

Hold your hats for a great day.

Post from: EveryJoe

Twenty20 finals today

India look set to complete an emphatic victory over England on the 5th morning of the 2nd test, needing just 63 runs and all day and 10 wickets with which to do it. India have dominated throughout the match and though the weather wiped out most of day 1, England will have no such luck today. The umpires even tried to get in the way of India, with Simon Taufel in particular, having a shocking third day, dismissing Tendulkar and Ganguly incorrectly, even admitting he got it wrong (about Tendulkar, at least).

It’s been a peculiar test match all round, one where tempers have frayed and England have lost their way. Undoubtedly, it was a toss to win, and England struggled in difficult conditions on day 1, albeit in disappointing fashion, failing to display any of the recent concentration and commitment. 198 seemed modest, and as the weather improved and the track dried out, it was up to India to make the most of it, which they duly did, posting an impressive 490 odd, with runs from moreorless the whole lineup. England’s bowlers toiled away but failed to make inroads and instead relied on shoddy tactics involving jelly beans to try and buy some wickets.

India look certain to wrap up a deserved victory and have given England plenty to think about ahead of the final test at the Oval.

Post from: EveryJoe

Umpires unlikely to deny India

Elsewhere, some serious argy-bargy occurred between Kevien Pietersen and Zaheer Khan, after Khan noticed jelly beans appearing on the pitch whilst he was batting. Having cleared one off the pitch, more turned up, convincing him it wasn’t an accident. He then gestured toward KP, raising his bat in protest. KP didn’t back down and returned some verbals.

Such behaviour shouldn’t exist in any level of cricket, and that it is happening at the highest level is pathetic. There’s a difference between being competitive and cheating. Allegations that Santh was intentionally trying to injure KP are a little far-fetched, but England players putting jelly beans on the pitch in a bid to distract Khan is stupid behaviour from a team incapable of playing proper cricket. Fortunately, Khan was able to let his game speak for itself (despite brandishing his bat towards the England slip cordon), in scoring some useful runs and then taking a match-winning 5fer in England’s second innings. Such childish behaviour took the gloss off some otherwise thrilling cricket, including runs from Tendulkar and Vaughan and bowling from Sidebottom and Khan.

I sincerely hope that the event is investigated thoroughly and that any players found guilty of throwing jelly beans at the Indian players be properly reprimanded for bringing the game in to disrepute.

Post from: EveryJoe

Jellybeangate