Bad News for Darrell Rasner

The Yankees significantly upgraded their rotation yesterday, signing probable performance-enhanced/ageless-wonder pitcher Roger Clemens. The news comes just in time for the much beleaguered Yanks staff, who will be using their 10th starting pitcher in today’s game, most of whom have sucked. The move was announced to the Yankee fans during the seventh-inning stretch of yesterday’s game. No one in the dugout was expecting the announcement, as Joe Torre had been ejected and Clemens and Pettite aren’t as good as friends as they thought. (This is how I find out Roger, like this? No, it wasn’t a good surprise. I thought we were closer than this. I’m glad you’re not coming on road trips!) Clemens, who will make $28 million for half-year’s work, begins pitching in the minor leagues right away and is expected to start pitching in games in about a couple weeks. When he gets to the majors, Clemens won’t travel on road trips in which he isn’t scheduled to pitch. To compensate for his missed time, he will also be serving as the Yankees strength and conditioning coach. For some reason, someone asked Curt Schilling how he felt about this. Naturally, Curt obliged.

“It would have been nice to have him, but we didn’t need him,” Curt Schilling said. “I feel like we were a legitimate World Series contender without him.”

In response, Clemens thanked Schilling for existing, ensuring Roger wasn’t the most annoying person in Major League Baseball.