Barry Bonds, Typo Nazi

Who knew Barry Bonds was a stickler for copyediting boo-boos?

Bonds, as you probably know, is being bagged for allegedly lying to a federal grand jury about his use of “performance-enhancing drugs.” He’s pleaded not guilty to perjury and obstruction of justice charges, and now he’s turning the tables because of a couple typos: Last week, prosecuters idiotically mistakenly cited a failed drug test he took in November 2001.

Oops! They meant November 2000.

But the official documents said 2001 until the typos were fixed the following day. Bonds’ claim is that the typos could—wait for it—no really, wait for it, ’cause this is good—”compromise his chances for a fair trial.”

Yeah.

You have to wonder, though, what kind of bonehead doesn’t proofread this kind of thing? Who doesn’t triple fact-check a high-profile case like this? If we were in charge, we’d make the responsible party write “I must proofread my work” until the chalkboard was full.

It could be, however, that Bonds is thinking ahead: As devoted reader Caesar would say, this could launch him on a new career. So if your high schooler comes home remarking on the “new susbtitute English teacher who looks like Barry Bonds,” remember . . . you heard it here first.