Be On The Lookout For Short, Wiry Dudes
Guys Under Six Feet Tall Dominate U.S. Marshall’s Top 15 Most Wanted List
No, it’s not the list of this year’s nominees for the Academy Award for Best Special Effects. The group pictured above are the fugitives on the U.S. Marshall’s Top 15 Most Wanted List.
It looks like Tommy Lee Jones will be making movies for at least the next 10 years.
Although the majority of the dudes pictured above are under six feet and weigh in the neighborhood of 170 lbs, these are not the kind of guys you’ll want to try making a citizen’s arrest on.
Take Raymond Abbot-Baerga, for example. Raymond is an arms smuggler who escaped from a maximum security prison in “a hail of gunfire” and uses the alias Robo-Cop.
I’m not real dogmatic on the subject, but I try to avoid violent dudes who refer to themselves as Robo-Cop. So, if a guy shows up to fill out a job application and puts Robo-Cop in the “Name” section, your best bet might be to take the rest of the day off and phone in a tip to the nearest U.S. Marshals Service office or the Marshals Service Headquarters at 800-336-0102 or 202- 307-9000.
There’s the usual assortment of white collar criminals, bad ass dudes and child molesters in this year’s list but a few fugitives stand out.
Well, actually, if they stood out they’d be a lot easier to catch — but you know what we mean…
Paul Merle Eischeid is a real Renaissance man. In addition to being a former stockbroker (would you expect anything else these days?), Paul is also a member of the Hell’s Angels biker gang.
And you thought your broker gave you a hard sell…
Paul’s accused of killing a woman in Phoenix, presumably because she wouldn’t take his advice and buy FNMA stock.
David Benjamin Creamer was a successful film maker back in the mid-90s. Unfortunately, most of his films involved kids or animals. In fairness, Creamer was involved in bestiality films in pre-Michael Vick days when screwing animals was more lucrative than fighting them.
If that stray dog you picked up at the shelter is a little jumpy when you come up behind it, now you know why.
It’s true that the 90s was a decade of greed because David reportedly made $2.3 million off worldwide sales and distribution of his films. In a kinder, gentler era he would’ve stopped after he hit a million.
Last, but certainly not least, Joseph Allen Garcia is wanted in Texas on charges of murder, manslaughter, assault with a deadly weapon and cable theft. Garcia is reputed to be a member of the Zetas who are the enforcers for the Mexican Gulf drug cartel — not to be confused with the Zeta-Jones who is the wife of the legendary man of the people, Alejandro de la Vega, better known as Zorro.
We need all the readers we can get here at Bizlevity, so if you see any of the dudes pictured above, please call in a tip and don’t risk ending up as a bad YouTube video stompee.
If you see Catherine Zeta-Jones, you may want to call for back up as well…
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Be careful how you ask for Ms. Zeta-Jones’ autograph…
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Photo credit: USMarshals.gov
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