I remember a post a while back where you had mentioned your mom in some capacity, and I remember thinking “sounds like her mom is an alcoholic, too.” I never wanted to ask as I didn’t want to pry. I myself am a daughter of an alcoholic. And lo and behold, what did we learn in therapy a few weeks back? That my struggling for perfectionism and just to be skinny is an attempt to get acceptance, and love from my mother. Competing with a substance for love can really mess with your value system. But it is so great to see you have made it though to the other side.

I don’t want to obsess over food any more. I want to have my own life, not dictated by her actions. I just want to be normal, eat and exercise normal, and thank god that through you I can see that someday I can get there.

For me, it was about living more years and just being wiser for it. I don’t think there was anything I could have done to have “gotten” it earlier. And I should say I am still working on getting it at deeper and deeper levels.

Score one for age!

I’m so glad that I’m not plagued with that anymore, but I am still definitely conscious about my body and which parts I want to tone. But eating a large meal once in awhile doesn’t freak me out, so that’s better right?

Thanks for sharing your story and I agree – even when something appears “good”, it can become an addition. I had an exercise addiction for years and I didn’t consider it that until recently. It was a matter of control for me based on lots of things I had going on. Because I chose exercise, of course I thought it was “good”! But when you spend 2 hours every day and change plans to make sure you fit your workout into your day, that’s a problem.

Thanks for sharing it; I think its always helpful for people still struggling to see that it is possible to recover and gain perspective again.

or maybe it’s not ironic and i just think so because i’m ass tired.

anyway, thank you for sharing. having some sort of health plan to follow, whether it be counting calories or using some device to do so (bodybugg over here), is never healthy once it crosses over to an unhealthy obsession.

It’s interesting to think about why some people have these disorders/addictions. I often wonder if it was something that I was genetically destined for with my family history of depression, or if it was my way of coping during my teenage years. My parents had a miserable marriage and I’m sure that has had someting to do with it.

I do think something healthy can become an addiction. I wonder if I’ll simply give up my overeating and replace it with another addiction, like running for example. So far I haven’t gone too far with calorie counting, although I do try to count calories most days. My eating is so messed up from all of those years of binging that I have had to teach myself what it’s like to actually eat like a normal, healthy person.

I’m so glad to hear how far you’ve come! You have given me so much hope. It’s funny, when I see people I haven’t seen in maybe 10 years, they don’t recognize me. It’s not just my weight that has changed, my personality has completely changed as well. I can honestly say that I’m not the same person I was back then.

It’s funny how you mention the stereotype of a trainer. My sister is a trainer too and she eats a ton! She has such a great outlook on food and health. It’s hard to tell we came from the same place. :)