Cablevision To Purchase Newsday For $650 Million

Tired of Overpaying For Crappy Basketball Players, Dolan Family Decides to Overpay for Crappy Newspaper

The Dolan family, owner of Cablevision, Madison Square Garden, the New York Knicks and Rangers bid 12% above two experienced news organizations to buy a local Long Island newspaper.

Later today, the Dolans are expected to announce that Isaiah Thomas will be named the new editor of the paper.

Thomas vowed to be an active editor and is expected to sign slow, less-skilled reporters with bad attitudes to bloat the paper’s payroll as quickly as possible.

Cablevision Chairman Charles Dolan said,“We admire Newsday’s strong editorial voice and reputation for quality as well as its leadership in print and online journalism.”

“We should be able to undo all that in under two years,” noted Dolan.

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Thomas signals in sexual harassment play

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