Californians Are Slow Learners
– Smokey The Bear Says He’ll No Longer Waste Time Talking To People From California After Massive Wildfires Breakout for the 100th Straight Year –
Smokey the Bear has finally had enough.
In a prepared statement, the popular fire-fighting bear said, “Screw it. There’s only so much I can do. How many years in a row do wildfires have to cause massive property damage and dominate the 24-hour news cycle for a week before somebody in California does something about it?”
Smokey’s statement came as wildfires, an annual rite of passage for California homeowners, caused thousands of residents of Santa Barbara to flee their neighborhoods.
Government officials expressed surprise at the news that fires were blazing on thousands of acres of bone-dry brush.
“How could this happen?” demanded one California state legislator, “For some reason, I have this vague sense of deja vu. Do you ever get that feeling?”
When pressed if the government had ever considered taking steps to prevent fires such as clearing brush or using fire-retardant chemicals to minimize the damage, Governor Schwarzenneger stressed that California was an environmentally-friendly state.
“We don’t want to do anything to upset the delicate ecosystem that exists in California. Of course, we don’t consider taxpayers part of the ‘environment.’ We’d rather save a couple hundred squirrels than the homes people have worked their whole lives to afford.”
In other news, Allstate Insurance said it was investigating reports of people in Los Angeles who’d lost everything in the latest wildfire. The company expressed some skepticism that, even with strong winds, the fire would be able to leap 90 miles and take out a condo on the 14th floor of a recently completed apartment complex.
Apartment owner and real estate speculator Pierce Deere said, “I’m always amazed at how these fires can jump from one house to another. I’ve lost everything … except the insurance contract that covered the apartment for twice what it was currently worth.”
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You should never sing ‘Wildfire’ in a crowded theater
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