China’s January Trade Surplus with U.S. Narrows

U.S. now only importing tons and tons of crap

China’s trade surplus with the United States fell in January as demand for Chinese goods weakened amid fears of a U.S. recession. With the high cost of energy, the falling value of real estate assets, and the tightening credit market, consumers are less inclined to indulge in discretionary spending on poisonous toothpaste, tainted pet food, and hazardous toys. According to one trade specialist, “Those are the extras.”

The United States and other trading partners complain that China’s currency, the yuan, is kept undervalued, giving its exporters an unfair price advantage. Some American lawmakers have even called for punitive tariffs on Chinese imports.

“If they’re not going to play fair, we’re going to act,” says one unnamed congressman. “We can have hearings and get on TV and look like we’re doing something in an election year. Plus, maybe it’ll distract voters from the sex scandals.”