Church of England: ‘We’re Halfway There’

Clergy Says Take Our Hand, We’ll Make It, I Swear…

The Church of England channeled their inner Bon Jovi on Tuesday by coming out with two new prayers specifically aimed at those people who’ve been affected by the financial crisis. The prayers were posted on the Church’s website in the “Matter of Life and Debt” section in an effort to offer solace to financial workers, union employees and those who appreciate a good pun.

The first prayer, Prayer on Being Made Redundant, asks the Heavenly Father to “Hear me as I cry out in confusion, help me to think clearly, and calm my soul.”

This supplication is often known by the more common name of The Postal Worker’s Prayer.

In addition, The Church has a prayer for those remaining in the workplace which is designed to help employees who retain their jobs deal with feelings of guilt and stress after their co-workers are fired. The prayer is also meant to control the urge to gloat and buy a new big screen TV.

The Prayer for Those Remaining in the Workforce goes on to remind those workers who still have a job to continue to donate to the Church since “we’re not going to get much from the blokes saying the first prayer.”

In keeping with the times, the Church plans to offer two additional timely prayers: Prayer That My Resume Gets Put on Top of the Pile and Prayer That The Jackass Who Fired Me Gets Hit By A Bus.

Take us home, Jon Bon Jovi…

Live in London, of course….

-