Commercial Break Monday Says: If You’d Had The Day I’ve Had, You Wouldn’t Want To Write A Commercial Break Monday Either

…so I’m going to make this quick.

This week, we’re taking a look at tanks! And blowing people up with them!

Battlezone! It’s about a zone of battle!

Since I’ve had a foul day and it’s only going to get worse, let’s boil my usual ramblings down into bullet points! (BULLET points – do you see? Because this is a war game – oh, never mind.)

1 – Once again the young are brainwashed into believing the old lie, Something Something Pro Patria Est Momento Mori Turi Te Salutant Et In Arcadio Ego Ergo Sum, um… Cogito Est… thingy. When will the killing end? Eh?

2 – It’s a bit like Red Dawn, probably.

3 – They’re just ‘The Enemy’! It could be anyone.

4 – In fact they look suspiciously like his own tank so it’s probably another ‘Friendly Fire’ embarrassment for the Americans. “I did it!” = “I am to blame, rather than the military establishment who trained me so abysmally!” This soldier knows the value of falling on his own sword to spare his superiors.

5 – “So Real, You Forget It’s A Game!” The concept of immersion begins here, and possibly the concept of 3D as well, judging by those oddly-drawn screenshots.

6 – In fact, I think I’m right in remembering that the US Military used this game to train their tank commanders. Train? Pah! Desensitise, more like! We’re back at point 1! Imperialist brainwashing! Bah!

7 – Did the red cartridge come with extra blood?

8 – “If I can’t stop them, who will?” = ‘Evil Empire’ era anti-communist propaganda from the running dogs at Parker Brothers.

9 – Note how the cartridges are divided into Blue, for evil Tory warmongers, and Red, for the Red States that support Bush in his bloody-handed (you’ve already done this joke – Ed.)

10. What the Christ is that boy wearing around his head? Is it his school tie? If so, points for accuracy I suppose.