Meat Company President Admits Sick Cows Were Processed

Says Better Strategy Would Have Been to Use Them As Secret Ingredient On ‘Iron Chef’

When confronted with undercover video evidence, the president of Westland/Hallmark Meat Co. admitted yesterday to Congress that sick and weakened cows had been processed into the nation’s meat supply.

Cattle that can’t walk to slaughter on their own are referred to as “downer cows” because they may be sick. And also because, let’s face it, getting sick on your way to being slaughtered is a real downer.

The graphic video of downer cows has been used by various groups to promote their own agendas. Members of the Humane Society have used the video to raise questions about the quality of beef throughout the country.

In addition, many vegetarians have also used Westland/Hallmark’s misfortune as an opportunity to urge Americans to switch to an all-vegetable diet.

Many Americans, reached while eating a hamburger, have urged vegetarians to shut the hell up and go have a carrot.

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“Does this tag on my ear mean I won something?”

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