Congress Questions Oil Executives Over Record Profits

Senators Incredulous Over Notion of Any Entity that Spends Less than It Earns

Pandemonium broke loose in Congress today as lawmakers listened to testimony from executives of the major oil companies. When told companies were in business to make a profit and that oil company spending was less than revenues, most Congressmen reacted with a mixture of shock and disbelief.

“So, you’re telling me that you actually work to hold down costs so that you don’t spend more money than you bring in?” asked a skeptical Edward Markey (D-Mass., F-Economics 101).

“Sir, you might as well try to tell me that pigs can fly,” joshed Markey.

The hearings started out on a cordial note but quickly turned hostile as an Exxon executive tried to explain what it was like to actually produce something.

“Production requires intelligence, planning and effort,” said J.S. Simon, senior vice president at Exxon.

House members immediately took a 45-minute recess to consult with staff members about the definition of the terms used by Mr. Simon.

After the break, executives from the Big 5 oil companies told members of the Select Committee on Energy Independence and Global Warming that, traditionally, record profits meant you were doing something right and this served to benefit such diverse groups as investors, employees and other firms the company did business with.

Proceedings were halted when, after trying to get their heads around that idea, the heads of Congressmen on both sides of the aisle exploded.

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“Let me explain something to you, Senator…the whole point is to make a profit.”

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