Congress to Investigate Apologies?

As much as  we’d like to claim credit for inventing breaking fun stories like this,* the truth is (pun intended) that Frank Coffey and the Goodfellas at eTrueSports.com have that honor.

Forget John McCain and the lobbyist. This is the real story out of Washington today.

An Epidemic of Sports Apologies Prompts Congressional Investigation

Washington – Briefly turning its attention away from performance-enhancing chemicals,  Congress is going to investigate what a well-placed House source calls the “epidemic of apologies” currently breaking out in the sports world. “This is worse than Mel Gibson or that Duke prosecutor guy,” said California Congressman Henry Waxman.

“In the span of 48 hours, we’ve had everybody from Belichick and Gagne to Lo Duca and Pettitte falling all over themselves apologizing for their transgressions, and quite frankly, especially with those first three guys, they sounded as if they were all reading from the same flimsy script.”

Why would Congress spend time and resources on apologies – even insincere ones?

“Simple,” a Congressional source said. “It’s always fun to watch multi-millionaires squirm, plus it’s an election year. All that time on camera is a whole lot better than mailing out newsletters that nobody reads.”

“Apologisms are a bad idea,” commented President Bush from somewhere in Africa where he is on holiday, “I’m against them.”