Credit Card Companies Make Plans To Target Special Olympians
Growth Potential Of Retarded Market: ‘Priceless’
Following a story about the worst credit card deals in America, the nation’s leading credit card companies today announced plans to seek growth in new markets. Among the new groups being targeted are Special Olympians, household pets and people who’ve been declared clinically dead.
Credit card officials noted most people consider their pets to be part of the family.
A spokesman for MasterCard pointed out, “Getting a gold card for your Golden Retriever is really no different than having a credit card for your spouse. Except that your dog may have a better credit rating.”
HSBC’s American Dream Card offers holders “a chance to enter a cash lottery with every purchase.” Consumer advocates say the card looks to exploit the behavior of both compulsive shoppers and compulsive gamblers in one convenient card.
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Which of these is not like the other?
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A spokeswoman for HSBC said, “The American Dream Card is but one of many credit card products HSBC offers — kind of like the way sex shops offer different sized anal plugs. Consumers should choose a card that meets their individual needs.”
The spokeswoman pointed out the company helps card members meet their needs by offering cards where customers can earn points toward cheap liquor, hard drugs and dates with under-aged girls.
New Millennium Bank in New Jersey features a secured card with $140 in fees and a 19.5% interest rate that starts the instant you buy something. Or you could get an ATM card and have access to your own money without the upcharges.
Bank president Anthony Soprano says the card offers “good value” and that the Mafia is just a fictional organization created by the media.
As the commercial says, “Life takes Visa…”
You just take it.
