DASCHLE WITHDRAWS!
‘What The F**k Was I Thinking?’ Nominee Asks In Brief Written Statement Detailing Return to Lobbying Practice
The following statement was just released by Tom Daschle, officially withdrawing himself from contention for Health & Human Services Secretary:
Ladies and gentleman,
I would like to announce that I am withdrawing for consideration for the post of Health and Human Services Secretary.What the f**k was I thinking?!
Seriously. I must’ve been on drugs to have even considered the post.
I made five million dollars in the last two years and nobody looked twice at my taxes. I was about to take a $4.8 million dollar pay cut for the privilege of having forensic accountants comb through my records for the next four years.
It’s not like Health & Human Services is a plum Cabinet position. I was Senate Majority leader, for crissakes. This would have been like taking a substitute gym teacher position after I’d been on the school board.
I will return to
peddling influencelobbying for my clients at the law firm of Alston & Bird and will be raising my fees to $2000-an-hour to help cover the cost of the back taxes I paid as a result of this whole process.It is with sadness and regret and no small dose of sarcasm that I return to flying first-class and giving the same canned speech at seminars all over the Caribbean at $500,000 a pop.
I would like to say I sincerely appreciate President Obama’s confidence in allowing me to be a political trivia question somewhere down the road. Really. I’m not just saying that and you’ll have to take my word I’m not making a wanking motion with my hand as I read this.
If you’re a drug company or health care provider, please visit my website at: www.pay-to-play.com
Thank you and God bless the American lobbying system.
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Much happier now…
