Dear Notre Dame

Dear Notre Dame,

I’m not singling at one player or another. It’s not Jimmy Clausen’s fault you suck. I’ve turned on your game, and was surprised to see that Purdue is already on the board, after less than five minutes of playing. Seriously. I mean…what the hell, guys? And if it weren’t for that penalty, they’d already have a touchdown. On the first possession. Seriously.

So, I do have a bit of advice for you guys. Stop sucking. I feel like maybe no one told you that. Maybe you don’t understand the game of football. The point is to have the ball in YOUR possession.  If you play defense, you’re supposed to STOP the other team. If you’re a bit confused about your role on the team, perhaps you should get off the field.

And offense, I’m not letting you off the hook. You just haven’t played yet. I fully expect you to suck today too. Really, why don’t the Purdue guys just pull down their knickers for you, because you all seem to be on your knees with your mouths hanging open already.

Prove me wrong. I like to cheer for the underdog, and if you give us a good game – even if you don’t win – my faith in your team will be a bit renewed.  Or, at least, you won’t be an embarrassment to the Big Ten anymore.

xoxo,

Allison