Dell Backpedals

In response to overwhelming public backlash from Dell’s (NASDAQ: DELL) demands for Consumerist to remove a post from a former Dell kiosk manager outlining the “22 Confessions of Former Dell Sales Manager” (read details here), Dell has executed an image cleansing 180 degree turn with Dell’s 23 Confessions posted this weekend on the Dell blog. 

Frankly, the only part of Dell’s 23 Confessions that doesn’t scream “PR Clean Up on Aisle 1″ is the part where blogger, Lionel Menchaca, writes, “Ok, we goofed.”  The rest of the post reads like it came straight from a late night marketing/PR meeting where a head honcho told the team to put together a post that responds to the negative publicity and makes the Dell brand shine.  I’ve been in those meetings, and this post reads just like one of the documents that comes out of those meetings, not like something a typical blogger would write.  If Lionel did write it I applaud his efforts, and I’d suggest another career because I think he missed his calling.  He could make a fortune in PR and marketing with his PR spinning talent.

Take a few minutes to read “Dell’s 23 Confessions”.  It’s actually very funny.  A few confessions stand out as particularly amusing to me:

“5) We are committed to being the greenest technology company on the planet.  It’s the right thing to do for ourselves, our environment and our customers.

6) When your computer’s effective life has ended, we still care about it as much as you do, so we provide free recycling for all consumers worldwide.  We can’t wait for our competitors to catch up, since we all benefit from improving our environment.   Please remind them.

8) What if you only had to make one click to make a difference in the environment?  Well, we do this everyday via our Plant a Tree for Me program.  Through it, we empower our consumers to offset their system’s carbon footprint by making a small contribution to purchase a tree at the time of purchase or whenever you want.  And, Michael Dell is personally matching any contribution you make in June, July and August.“ 

Translation: Desperate PR times call for desparate measures – time to talk about environmental contributions.  Why is it when a company or person is trying to boost their image in the eyes of the public they always turn to their amazing environmental contributions?  Frankly, I think all companies should be green.  It shouldn’t be a differentiator at all unless a company is not green.  And I love the part, “Please remind them,” referring to the public slapping Dell’s competitors’ wrists, too.  Nothing like adding some disparaging remarks about the competition when you’re PR is circling at the bottom of the drain.

“12) We think we should do more than sell PCs, which is why we have helped over 10,000 children in the U.S. learn how to take apart and build PCs via our TechKnow program and it is also why nearly half of our employees participate in charities.  We can always do more, but this is a good start and one of the ways we try to say thank you for your business.”

Translation: When a company is really desperate for positive PR and the environment trick may not completely work then it’s time bring in the big guns and remind people how you save the children of the world.

“10) We have a very great way for all of our customers to share ideas with us at www.ideastorm.com.  Michael actually takes your ideas and shares them widely in our company to ensure that we’re all paying attention.  When Michael shares ideas with us, I can tell you that we listen extra carefully.

13) It’s getting easier to talk with us everyday.  You can go to www.dell.com/conversations  to learn more.  We hope to hear from you and most importantly, we hope to hear your ideas on how we can improve. Many of these tools like the support.dell.com, the Dell Community Forum and Direc2Dell offer additional ways for customers to reach Dell and the community for support.“ 

Translation: Next time anyone is unhappy with Dell, don’t say anything to anyone.  Just visit ideastorm.com where problems will be swept under the rug expeditiously.

“11) Speaking of Michael, you may know that our CEO is only 42 years old.  He is a true tech enthusiast who plays World of Warcraft, reads blog posts (and not just Dell’s), tracks your ideas on IdeaStorm and he really does have a notebook that runs Ubuntu 7.04.” 

Translation: Aren’t we cool?  Everyone wants to hang out with us.  Who wrote that, a high schooler? 

“15) We blog in two other languages: Chinese and Spanish—feel free to join the conversation if that suits you.   We’re having fun with our Chinese blog, since we’re the first company to offer one in our industry.  There will be a lot more to come.”

Translation: Last but not least, if saving the environment and saving the children don’t work, it’s time to play the diversity trump card.  See how diverse Dell is?  How can they be a bad company? 

Bottomline, this “apology” reads more like someone regurgitated every positive PR point they could possibly think of to divert people’s attention from the original 22 Confessions post, legal threats and resulting bad press.   While I think this incident will be forgotten fairly quickly and Dell will continue on it’s predetermined strategic path without any changes, I do think this is a great example of how Corporate America responds when someone calls them out.  It’s all about diversion tactics.  This would be a great case study for a college PR/marketing course.

Read more about Consumerist’s reaction to Dell’s 23 Confessions here.