England plumb the depths

Less than a week ago I described how England had plunged to a new low. I asked what words could be used to describe the state of English question. I was bemused, befuddled and, erm, besaddled with erm, disgust. After England got stuffed yet again, I’m beginning to wonder if I’m stuck in some sort of bizarre cricketing Groundhog Day, but instead of Bill Murray it’s Fred Flintoff. “Watch out for that Australian team, it’s a doozie!”

England needed just 35 overs to get themselves bowled out for 110, and Australia took just 24 overs to knock the runs off for the loss of just one wicket, and that wicket was a run out. Ian Bell made 35 of England’s 110 but the innings was once again characterised by a complete lack of backbone, as yet another capitulation ensued – England were at one point 72-2. Exactly what the heck was Paul Collingwood doing? With such a low score to defend, it’s no wonder that England’s bowlers, who, considering the injuries to Anderson and Lewis, were in the form of unplayed Liam Plunkett and Chris Tremlett could do little to fend off the inevitable. But even that’s a flimsy excuse, considering that Australia’s Mitchell Johnson has had about the same amount of cricket, yet he still looked in top form.

About all England can win at the moment is the toss. What more can be said?

“Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don’t forget your booties ’cause it’s cooooold out there today.”
“It’s coooold out there every day. What is this, Miami Beach? “