Exit Polls Show Two-Thirds Feel Clinton Attacked Obama Unfairly
Clinton Wins Primary Anyway, Voters ‘Just Feel More Comfortable’ With Pandering and Fear-Mongering
Pennsylvania voters overwhelmingly agreed that Hillary Clinton unfairly attacked Barack Obama in the weeks leading up to the primary. Nevertheless, voters did whatever the opposite of voting with their feet is and flocked to the polls to give Ms. Clinton a near 10-point margin of victory.
By buying into Clinton’s claims of ‘more experience’ voters in Pennsylvania, the only state that skews older than Florida, virtually assured that the rest of the country will be sick of politics by the end of the NBA playoffs.
Older viewers who have nothing better to do and say CNN is “more interesting” when people are yelling at each other, provided a boost to Ms. Clinton’s campaign. These are the same viewers who are consistently impressed by Larry King’s ability to ask “the tough questions” when interviewing the cast of The Golden Girls.
Helena Hanbaskit, a member of the “53-year-old women between 5′2″ and 5′6″ with brown eyes and a middle toe longer than their big toe” demographic that broke strongly for Clinton in the last days of the primary explained, “In the end, I just felt more comfortable with someone who understands that the role of government is to keep us in a perpetual state of fear and constantly pit once socio-economic group against another.”
Ms. Clinton is expected to continue to press her point that delegate count and popular vote don’t matter and has promised that, if elected, she will make sure all football games are decided by a committee of executives from Major League baseball.
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No foreign policy experience?! Balboa totally crushed Drago in “Rocky IV”
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