Fat Acceptance
July 26, 2008 by Kelly Turner
Filed under Fitness
Does this make you uncomfortable?
I was planning on writing this post as diplomatically and professionally as possible, but after hours of research , you know what?
Eff that.
Hate and judgment make me sick. I find it disgusting how hateful, malicious and callous people can be.
If you are unaware of the Fat Acceptance movement, please head here or here to read up on it a bit.
I have spent the past week reading fat acceptance blogs, (my favorite of which is Big Fat Deal) and the debate seems to be this:
“Please do not judge me based on my appearance, and do not be offended by my mere presence.”
“Then stop being so freaking fat.”
“I know I am fat, and society does not think this is beautiful, but I deserve the same amount of respect as anyone else.”
“Too bad, fattie.”
I searched desperately for a valid, or even coherent, opposition to the fat acceptance movement, and amidst the prejudiced, malicious and hurtful insults, the closest I have found is “being fat is unhealthy.”
I feel I have a bit of a unique perspective on this as I am a female, 21 year old, ex-bulimic, personal trainer.
The personal trainer in me gets this argument. Being overweight increases your risk of heart disease, high cholesterol, high blood pressure and diabetes. That’s sweet you are concerned about the welfare of others, but can I ask why?
As a personal trainer, I care about the health of my clients. I care because they pay me to.
Kidding.
My clients come to me because they want help. They know that I know how to help them- its my job. I don’t see it as my personal mission to chase down every fat person I see on the street and tell them I want to “help” them. It would be like if someone flagged me down on the street and told me my shoes were hideous to “help” me with my fashion sense. Under this logic, it would magically be able to pick out better clothes, but in actuality, Iwould probably spend the next 3 days curled up in my closet hugging my Frye boots.
People come in to my studio and the first thing they say is “I want to lose X amount of weight.” When asked why, they usually respond, “because then I will finally be happy with myself.” Once we get going with training, however, they start to feel better about themselves before they drop a single pounds. they strart to feel better for having made a healthy lifestyle change, sticking with something consistently and doing something just for themselves. They discover they can be happy without hitting that goal, because the weight isn’t the issue.
I have clients that feel the need to apologize for the way they look. Its me, them and a rack of dumbbells, yet they feel the need to agree with that they THINK I am thinking.
“I just wish I could get rid of this pooch.”
“I have too much arm flab.”
“Ugh, I hate my thighs.”
At first, I never really got this, but now I do. At first I didn’t know what to say, but now I say “Hey, it’s just me. You don’t have to do that.” They are so used to having to apologize for being overweight and for their appearance to other people that they fall into that habit. They don’t want people to think they are ok with it, so if they say it first, then they don’t have to hear someone else say it. It soon passes as they get to know me better and know that I don’t care about that crap. they begin to relax and let their guard down. Eventually, they will even be comfortable enough to express pride in the fact they dropped a few pounds, even if they have double digits to go. All it takes is a little acceptance and its amazing what it can do for the self esteem. And that’s when we really start to see results. They begin to feel happier, and feel better about themselves: they begin to WANT to get healthy, as before they didn’t feel like they deserved it.
I know this feeling well. As most of you know, I used to be bulimic. In the midst of it, I thought I just didn’t want to get fat. I would do anything not to be fat. Being thin was a physical sign that I was strong. People could look at me and see by my gaunt features and protruding bones and know that I did not need food like everyone else- I was stronger than everyone else. I would see fat people out smiling and laughing, while i had spent the past week splitting my time between an open fridge door and having my head i nthe toilet. i didnt understand how someone could be happy while being the very thing i was most scared of in the world. It wasn’t fair. It didn’t make sense. I was jealous of the very thing i spent so much time and engergy trying to avoid becoming.
After years of counseling I discovered this wasn’t the case. It had nothing to do with food or weight. My disorder was a physical manifestation of me feeling like I was not worth the space I took up. In actuality, I had NO control over my food consumption. The anxiety would be so great inside of me that all I could think about was eating until I was physically sick. Being full was the only time I felt ok- I wasn’t anxious because I didn’t want anymore food (and in most cases couldn’t physically fit any more food inside of my body) and I wasn’t anxious because I knew in a few minutes I would get rid of it and have no worries about gaining an ounce. After a binge was the only time i could ever truely relax. I know what it is like to find solace in a gallon of ice cream.
As soon as I figured out what caused my disorder, its power over me broke. As soon as I learned that I was worth something, and that I didn’t need anyone else to tell me so, as long as I felt it, it was like my urge to continually be controlled by something as stupid as food was gone. I was better than this. I deserved to be happy. I was worth something. I was a beautiful human being with things to offer the world (enter personal training and Every Gym’s Nightmare.) I could show people that they can get healthy and enjoy life as well, but it doesn’t start with food, it starts with knowing that you are worth it. A diet didn’t teach me that.
While I had a “weight problem,” I have never been overweight. I was severely underweight, and caused irreparable damage to my body, but to most people, it wasn’t obvious. Unless you knew me before, you would not have looked at me gone “That girl is a bulimic.” It was hard enough to recover, but I could hide it. Strangers didn’t need to know I was sick. I didn’t have to explain myself or be ashamed or made fun of or watch the news and see candid shots of faceless skinny girls walking down the street. I don’t know if I would have made it if I had.
Everyone has something wrong with them by society‘s definition, be it depression, a disease, and eating disorder, a handicap, a disability, a disfigurement, addiction, abuse, etc.
We, as a society, are accepting of this, are supportive with our concerns, our charities, our awareness campaigns. We are supportive, that is, until they try and sit next to us on a bus, engage in small talk in the check out line, or try and work in our businesses.
Everyone has something that is wrong with them and its just unfortunate that some people can’t hide their’s as easily as others. If someone has AIDS, you most likely wont know it to look at them. If someone is fat- you know it. Not only do you know it, but you can make inferences to their personality: they are lazy and unhealthy. And they don’t care. If they did they wouldn’t not be so fat, right?
My boyfriend is a smoker. Most of my close friends are. They aren’t stupid, they know it isn’t good for them. They usually talk about quitting in between puffs because they hack up brown shit in the mornings. Making them smoke 25ft from any doors and windows (Washington law, I don’t know how many other states have the same one) does not keep them from smoking. It just makes them angry when they have to stand out in the Seattle rain, or dodge cars in areas where 25ft from doors and windows is the middle of the street. I know smoking isn’t good, and even with my boyfriend, it isn’t my place to nag him about it until he gets the urge to burn me with one. I know it wont work. I do, however, get angry right along with him when people walk by and make comments about him polluting the air or getting cancer. Do you think they really care about his health? Do you think they believe that one cigarette will kill them of second hand smoke? No, they just care when something they do not like encroaches on their personal space or beliefs. Or makes them uncomfortable, which is what I feel is the major driving force behind the opposition to the fat acceptance movement.
Not all overweight people are unhealthy, and those that are, already know it. They do not need you to ridicule and demean them. Perhaps they need some love? Perhaps if you show them an ounce of kindness they will feel as though they deserve to be happy and healthy? Perhaps if you see them as more than their weight they won’t think everyone finds them so disgusting, and they will want to take care of their body, instead of loath it? Or perhaps you should just mind your own damn business, because they are on their way to work and don’t know you from Adam.
Obviously, as a fitness writer, my audience is a bit skewed. You would not be reading this site if you were not more concerned about your health than the average person (or you are related to me.) Maybe using the platform “its not healthy” is just a way to further separate yourself from “them.” Maybe its fear. Maybe everyone is thinking “there is NO WAY I could be happy at that size, so those claiming to be have to be lying. Or if they are happy, they shouldn’t be, so lets knock them down a few pegs.”
Women are subjected to unrealistic body ideals everyday and I don’t know a single woman than can say she does not feel pressure to be thin and beautiful from society. Do we really need fan this flame by deflecting it to those “worse off’ than we are? Where are your hearts?
Personally, I feel that someone that can find beauty in themselves, even when the entire world is telling them they are ugly, is the strongest, healthiest example of a human being. I both admire and applaud you.
Loved this post and linked to it. Great job ~
Kelly, you’d been alluding to writing this for a while now, and I was curious as to what you’d end up with…I’m really proud of you for this article, it was wonderfully written and you expressed yourself articulately without any bullshit. Kudos to you, my dear.
Well written- I give you kudos.
Great post in a lot of ways, but I think we need to make sure that there are two boundaries to the weight issue. The first you addressed – we don’t want people to be too thin for so many obvious reasons. But there are definitely some valid arguments against the fat acceptance movement. I generally support the aims of the movement, because women are put under an obscene amount of pressure regarding their weight. At the same time though, it is important that the fat acceptance movement doesn’t become a refuge for justifying the obesity epidemic in the United States and other Western nations. Just as there is a level of too thin, there is a level of too fat. What are the consequences of being too fat? Two came immediately to my mind – and I’m sure I could manifest more if I cared to really think through the issue heavily. First, health insurance. I pay it, and I hope everyone else here is in a financial situation where they too can pay to have the safety of health insurance. If we permit the fat acceptance movement to get out of control, and thus people lose motivation to shed pounds (greatly increasing their health and decreasing use of health insurance), then every one of use who pays health insurance will feel the result. Another issue I have is where the obese are permitted handicapped parking permits. I understand some people have Thyroid issues and other disorders which lead to increased weight necessitating a handicapped parking space – and I’m ok with that. But it will be a sad day when I have to watch a WWII vet park 100 yards away from an entrance and limp on his shrapnel filled leg to the entrance because someone who is morbidly obese, because they refuse to do anything about their weight, has taken the last handicapped parking spot.
With all that said, if you park with the rest of us at Target or Kroger, and your fat is not affecting your health (which would affect my health insurance), then I fully support the fat acceptance movement. Like I said above, I hope the fat acceptance movement helps those women who just aren’t super models, who have a little extra fat (like any normal woman should), but are still healthy individuals. I am just fearful that it will get out of control and become a shield to justify further degradation of our society’s health. As sad as it is to say, many people today lack the dedication and drive to go to the gym regularly, but maybe that tinge of guilt and fear of judgment keeps them healthy.
I’m sure I have upset a number of people, please feel free to criticize.
My fave line: “I could show people that they can get healthy and enjoy life as well, but it doesn’t start with food, it starts with knowing that you are worth it. A diet didn’t teach me that.”
I’m several years your senior and I am still trying to get that comfortable with myself. I agree with almost everything you said (the smoking comparison didn’t sit well with me for several reasons) and I want to cry when i think about how much wasted energy has gone into hating ourselves or hating others for their adipose tissue. It’s ridiculous. We could’ve found a cure for cancer with all the energy we’ve put into diet pills.
Great article, great point. You should be proud of this.
A little confused… I was anticipating more your opinion on the FA movement; rather than mostly the move against it.
Just my two cents…
My main point will be that a large chunk of overweight people give the rest a bad rap, which causes discrimination against all of them.
First, to be clear, I don’t have a problem with overweight people in general. It only bothers me when some of them complain about being fat, claim they can do nothing about it, and continue with extremely poor habits that cause their well being to suffer. To use your analogy, it would be as if your boyfriend constantly vocalized his hatred about how smoking made him feel, his phlegm-coughs continued to get worse, his smoking habits did not subside, and yet he acted like his smoking had nothing to do with his health problems. It’s one of those situations where you just look at that person and you don’t know what to say, except… “Are you serious?”
You say how fat people don’t need to be told they are fat, because “duh” they already know and suffer the personal and social stigmas everyday… but I will say that for some of these people, I believe they honestly don’t realize the extent to which the habits they have are detrimental to both their health and their waistline.
With my analogy where you would look at your in-denial boyfriend and say, “Are you serious?”, I think that the chunk of overweight people that give the rest of them a bad rap (i.e. the ones that say “I don’t understand why I can’t lose weight”, meanwhile you see them eating a lot more than your average person) are the ones that people are thinking about when they discriminate against fat people.
Let’s think about that. It’s the same reason why any prejudice begins. Someone from one group of people sees one or more people from another group of people doing something they consider negative, or not in their best interest, so they tend to somewhat assume that most of them behave that way. I think it’s human nature to try and understand those that are different than you, and by trying to understand a people as a whole, you make a few assumptions since you can never get the story from every one of them.
If you’ve ever heard, “Prejudices begin for a reason”, well, of course most prejudices are true to some degree, whether a very small degree, or a large one. But the fact remains that the dissent to the Fat Acceptance movement began for a reason. People discriminate for a reason. I don’t think people are intrinsically hateful just because they don’t agree with someone else’s choices. But of course, if that person took that disagreement to a hateful level, and made the one that was different from them feel bad for being so, then that is definitely wrong.
I am NOT NOT NOT trying to justify discrimination. I am only trying to understand it as you are; As you seem to be liking the dissent to the FA movement to discrimination toward fat people. I would say that disagreement with FA does NOT always mean fat discrimination.
Now, you said it is nice that people seem concerned when they scream that “fat is unhealthy”, but… you wonder why they care. I would say that it is another case of others trying to understand those that are different from them, and wonder why they make the choices that they make. Aren’t humans by nature social beings? The media blasts the obesity epidemic at us daily, which tells us that this “epidemic” is cause for alarm. I think people then look at others (and themselves) and ask, “What are you doing to us?” This epidemic scare actually causes people to take it personally when they feel that those involved aren’t taking it seriously.
Sorry for the length. I only hope to encourage lots of discussion, as this topic very much interests me.
Thanks for your thoughts!
With the exception of a few extreme weight fluctuations in my life (a couple related to severe depression, one just adolescence biting me in the ass – or, er, adding to it), I was blessed to be born with an unapologetic attitude regarding my weight. That doesn’t mean I don’t get self conscious from time to time; it merely means I don’t get self conscious enough to forget how to be on my side. I’m glad the people of the Fat Acceptance movement are doing what they’re doing. Kudos to you for helping spread the word.
Alex- I dont think making an effort to not belittle and judge the overweight is going to encourage them to maintain their weight. Quite the contrary- perhaps a little understanding and acceptance, the overweight (who are overweight for a REASON) will feel they deserve to be healthy.
so what weight to they have to hit for them to finally earn a right to show their face in public?
These are real people, folks. Mothers, fathers, sisters, sons. They are more than their weight. They have feelings and hopes and dreams.
are you really more concerned with a parking spot than shattering someone’s self esteem? based on how they look?
If so, they dont get parking spots for being fat, they get them for knee issues, back issues etc, which while very possibly could be due to their weight, does not make it any easier for them to walk. My mother has neuropothy in hers legs and cant walk. she uses a handicapped sticker. is that ok? it was caused by her years of alcohol abuse- something she could have avoided. does she somehow deserve it less now that you know that?
charlotte- the smoking example is actually worse- second hand smoke does effect other people. someone being fat standing next to you doesnt effect you in the slightest, unless you are uncomfortable by their mere presence.
McB- exactly. sweeping genralizations dont work in any situation. if we replaced fat with Jewish, or black, we would be accused of being biggots. but because its fat people, somehow they are asking for it. We dont know why certain people are fat, because its none of our business. Err on the side of caution and assume they have a condition that makes them fat, that way, people can just keep their judgements to themselves.
Alicia- I love that “being on your own side.” It took me a long time to learn that as long as i was happy with myself, i was enough. I don;t get why people feel the need to tell people they are not good enough. No matter what weight you are, you are good enough to be happy. i’ve been thin and miserable, I know what its like, i would WAY rather be fat and happy.
Kelly,
Your essay was a masterpiece and something very hopeful to read first thing in the morning. Some of the comments decidedly not so. I don’t understand how I can be hated and discriminated against as a size 22, but valorized for working out twelve hours a week and losing 140 pounds.
A few years ago, I gained about 35 pounds after falling into a depression after being diagnosed with cancer. My fat wasn’t really a problem, it was a symptom and no matter what I did, I couldn’t get rid of it until I dealt with the root of the problem. I was eating to self medicate and I needed to deal with that. Acceptance of it woudn’t have helped anything. I’m not saying people can’t be fat and happy (or that maybe they could be if people would stop calling them Fattie), I’m just saying that I couldn’t.
That said, my understanding is that there is not only a fat acceptance movement, but also a fat encouragement movement and while I approve of the first whole-heartedly, I disagree with the second vehemently. You used your boyfriend smoking as an example. No matter my personal feelings about smoking, if your boyfriend isn’t smoking in my face or right in front of doorways and is properly disposing of his cigarette butts (toddlers want to put everything in their mouth. I shouldn’t be scared to take my kid to the park for fear he’ll eat cigarette butts) then I have no issue with what he’s doing. If, however, he’s telling everyone how cool smoking is and how healthy everyone how excellent they’ll feel, I’m not ok with that. Propagating an unhealthy attitude is dangerous, and children are impressionable.
I spend some time with friends this weekend, and several of them are overweight. I talked with them about this topic and they told me about people mooing at them, or reprimanding them on the contents of their shopping carts. One of my friends is overweight because of some issues with her thyroid, which she had removed a few years ago. She’s working on losing weight, but it isn’t easy. Another friend is morbidly obese. She’s always been overweight and lost more than 100 pounds about 5 years ago, and ran a half marathon. Then, a diagnosis of MS sent her into a depression she still hasn’t really recovered from. She gained all of the weight back, and while she wants to get back to her ‘fighting weight’ of 225, MS makes it difficult to do lots of things. Another friend is overweight, simply because she likes to eat and hates to work out. I don’t love or accept these ladies any more or less because of their weight. It hasn’t nothing to do with ‘accepting’ them, only to do with that they’re my friends, and I love them.
I had no idea the Fat Acceptance movement even existed until I read your posts this week, and it’s been really interesting reading about it these past few days. Well done you, for bringing attention to what has the potential to be a really positive movement.
Thanks for responding, Kelly.
I also wanted to mention that I recognize that Fat Acceptance blogs most definitely have their place in helping those that may have destructive behavior due to a poor body image. However, I think that they are so accepting and so willing to say “it’s not your fault” with their HAES ideas, that ALL SIZES feel as though they are a part of this group. I do not agree with this idea because health is not at every size. Sure, you can be lucky, but you can easily look up the slew of diseases that occur more frequently with excess weight. The saddest part, a lot of them don’t believe it. They think the entire medical industry is involved in some big conspiracy to make money and feed doctors false information, fueled by discrimination and a hatred of fat people. The obesity epidemic is all made up, they say.
I don’t want to get into a percentages debate, because I don’t think anyone can say for absolute certainty, but to just assume that all of them are overweight due to a genetic condition or disease they can’t control, I feel would be giving fuel to the fire, so to speak. In other words, if everyone else is willing to accept the idea that they are not responsible for their own actions, wouldn’t you feel like the ones that claim that as the root of their problem (with no evidence to support it) would only suffer more because their habits will continue, or worsen?
Of course, that goes back to, “why do you care?”. But, just sayin…
Great post. I’m lucky in that I come from a little family and have never felt so ashamed I could not go to a gym. Though I too overcame an eating disorder, I also know the highs and lows of self esteem. I think if people knew how wonderful it is to be healthy and fit, they might have more motivation to work out (vs feeling guilty for not working out) but I do realize people feel ashamed which is very sad, especially if it hinders their fitness. I saw a segment on Tyra Banks Show-truly godawful and the first and only time I watched it- about this girl who ate baby powder instead of food because she was too ashamed to go to the gym. She didn’t lose any weight and felt even worse about herself. We should not applaud people for being overweight, we should encourage them to adopt a healthy lifestyle.
Really great post. The labeling of people needs to stop; everyone is a person and should be accepted as such. The discrimination in this world is horrendous.
Beautifully written piece on a tender topic. Anyone who has grown up being made fun of for one reason or another, should know as an adult how much it hurts to be scoffed for mere appearances alone.
dang girl. you are a TALENTED FUNNY INSIGHTFUL SMART THOUGHT PROVOKING DISCUSSION SPARKING writer.
Alex – I’m with you on the health insurance issue. I live in Canada where health care is provided by taxes, and although it is totally un-PC of me, I resent the fact that my taxes are being spent for the triple-bypasses of people who eat bacon every morning for breakfast and burgers and fries for dinner all the time while I make an effort to eat healthy and exercise regularly.
If everyone took preventative measures to stay healthy, there could be better healthcare available for everyone because money would be put to better use.
Although there are some people that genuinely have a genetic problem that greatly hinders their efforts to be at a healthy weight, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that most overweight people are either uneducated about what they can do to lose weight (or what is causing their obesity), or they are too accepting and don’t realize how much of a health issue it is, and aren’t really trying to maintain a healthy weight.
I also know that many people keep weight on because of emotional blockages at an unconscious level. Perhaps out of a fear of being successful or for protection. Reflection and self exploration are an important part of a healthy lifestyle.
NOTE: i learned through reading about the movement that they preferred to be called “fat.” Its like calling a little person a little person, instead of the M word. Its what they prefer. i still feel kind of funny about it, but im not being rude or insensitive, i was given permission ;)
Mary- thanks! and thats what confuses me. If soeone sees a fat person, its oh my goodness, they are so lazy, blah blah, but then if they find out you are actively trying to lose weight, its GOOD JOB! look how far you’ve come. Its never, you are great person, and I dont care about your weight. It’s not an indicator of motivation or will power, and people use it to judge based on preconcieved notions.
Jenn- yet another reason i dont think i can handle children just yet. and i also pictures my boyfriend i na leather jacket leaning against a drug store telling kids how cool smoking it. thanks for that.
see, your friends, well some of them, have legitimate reasons for being overweight. it doesnt mean nothing can be done about it, but there is a reason. there is always a reason, and to chastice them because of it, when it has nothing to do with you, is unneccissary. I cant IMAGINE that anyone on the face of the planet is not related or close to someone that is significantly overweight, and I either dont believe they would say these things to that persons face, or if they would, im a little disgusted at their character.
also- not talking about the Fat Encouragers. Different thing. There are alwasy extremists in every movement and people tend to focus on those instead. which is unfortunate.
McB- of course i respond! whats the point of sparking s debate if i dont join in? i have read the claims that bweing overweight does not predispose you to anymore medical issues than being of normal weight- which i flat out do not agree with. Im not a doctor (or else I’d be on vacation somewhere) but I think its pretty obvious that being significantly overweight predisposes you to all the health conditions i mentioned in the article.
I dont thin kanything is going to change the media’s idea of beauty-women will always need to be skinny and tan with big boobs to be ideal. Everyone woman faces that, and its doubly hard for the overweight, because they are further from that imgae than the rest. I dont think fat is suddenyl going to become the new black and its going to be attractive to be fat and everyone is going to start trying to gain weight. never going to happen. Looking at those that are obese and overweight right now, if you take those people, one by one, people you are close to because strangers may slap you, and show them a little compassion and offer your help and support, you might be suprised at the reaction. I think (i dont know) that fat people are drawn to these groups because for once in their life theyare judged by their character, not their weight. its the one place they dont have to worry about it or be embarrassed. i think thats the appeal, because they are PEOPLE. maybe if we showed them the same kind of love, they wouldnt need to be fat to feel like they fit in somewhere.
RunnerGirl- i dont think its about applauding people for being overweight, its showing them a little compassion so the ARENT scared to go to the gym and get pointed and stared at. Its about telling them that theyare seperate from their weight. they are a person inside no matter how big the shell. If they werent scared of comments or judgement, perhaps they would make it to the gym a little more often. or go out and learn how to eat properly with other people instead of eating at home by themselves because they are ashamed.
It IS wonderful to be healthy and fit, i wouldnt trade it for the world, and i want everyone to be healthy and fit. but i dont think the way to get them there is to make fun of them or degrade them- support is the best way to get someone to make a change. if they want to. if they dont, its no one elses business. (and congrats on getting healthy!) (and Tyra Banks makes me want to hurl my TV out the window. and then hurl in general.)
Sagan- its hard for people to get passed the outside. and you cant really hide your outside, which is why i think its so hard for fat people. you cant put makeup over, or just not telling anyone that you are fat. they are gunna know, and for some reason that invited strangers to make judgements to your face.
Erika- thanks. Growing up they always tell you “its just middle school, its just high school, etc.” but when you are out in the real world, or “adult world”, it still doesnt stop, which is sad. I had this idea that when I left school, everyone would be so mature and trusting and professional- not so much. they kids are just bigger, they arent any more mature.
MizFit- thanks. im not good at compliments, so um, yeah i dont know what else to say. right back atcha. lol. and sorry I havent commented over at http://www.mizfitonline.com in a while, ive been busy. i still read, so no worries there, just no time to ramble.
(but i slipped that link in there so we are even, right?)
Carolyn- i guess i dunderstand why you (and others) would feel that way, but under that same logic, you have to resent drug abusers, alcoholics, smokers, etc. MOST health conditions can be controlled by living a healthy lifestyle. I know that people that are overweight is growing, but i dont get why they get a seperate catagory. all these things are choices, and they should be represented equally as people that do not take care of their health. its not just the over weight.
your last paragraph was VERY poignant. well said.
i think i spelled that right.
Great thought provoking article Kelly, thank you! I have so many thoughts/points of view on this I don’t even know where to begin.
I was a fat kid, a fat teen & a fat young adult. I started dieting in the 3rd grade eventually becoming severely bulimarexic (never holding down a single meal and only binging & purging minimum of 7x/day) for 7 years. Like you my ED was a physical manifestation of other issues, but my being fat in the first place was not. I grew up on Hungry Man TV dinners, Chef Boyardee & McDonalds and never exercised or took part in sports at school. If I really wanted to analyze my family situation at the time, being an only child, taking care of myslef, blah, blah, blah, maybe I’d come up with a good psychoanalytical answer/reason for it, but the bottom line is I had no health issues and I just like to eat crap.
After MANY, MANY, MANY years of therapy I’ve been able to turn my life around, beat my ED and get healthy, and now help other people, but I’ve never forgotten what it felt like to be fat. You know how people say “I never forgot where I came from”? Well, I know it’s corny, but that’s how I feel. When I see a fat person I always think “I know what it’s like, I’ve been there, you’re beautiful” and not in a condescending way, but in a real ‘I feel it in my heart’ way.
I understand the points of view about the obesity epidemic, rise in health insurance rates, fat encouragers, etc. But I honestly don’t feel like the fat acceptance movement is about that. It’s about people being people no matter what the size or whatever the reason, and that we should treat all people the way want to be treated with repsect, kidness & dignity. It doesn’t matter WHY someone is fat or what they are or are not doing about it, that should not be for anyone to judge!
Wow. I’m just completely blown away by this fantastic post and the following discussion. There’s a lotta love and honesty here.
I think a lot of people just assume that people are overweight and obese because they eat fast food and watch a lot of TV. What most people don’t understand is that in darn near every person who is overweight or obese it’s more of an emotional issue that holds them back. Some people choose alcohol, others choose drugs, some even go shopping. Others eat.
99.9 percent of people are genetically the same, skinny or fat, tall or short, black or white. So seriously, why are there so many haters?
Too many thoughts and opinions right now to include in a small amount of comment space.
Very thought provoking.
I guess I’ll just ask the question, ” why are we accepting fat?”
More to come later my friend.
A great post with lots of emotional luggage!
:)
I don’t want to get into a percentages debate, because I don’t think anyone can say for absolute certainty, but to just assume that all of them are overweight due to a genetic condition or disease they can’t control, I feel would be giving fuel to the fire, so to speak.
The whole “you don’t know if they are fat because they’re sick” thing is more of a point to be made about not ridiculing strangers based on how they look than trying to say everyone who is fat is fat because they’re ill.
Of COURSE not every overweight person you pass in a day is overweight due to genetic illness or disease they can’t control. Of course not.
But you don’t know which one is fat because they are sick and which one isn’t, so leave ‘em all alone.
“As soon as I figured out what caused my disorder, its power over me broke. As soon as I learned that I was worth something, and that I didn’t need anyone else to tell me so, as long as I felt it, it was like my urge to continually be controlled by something as stupid as food was gone.”
As I read those words I started to cry because they are so true. I’m not there yet but I am on my way.
Amazing post, Amazing!
Great article. As a former bulimic/anorexic whose mom is overweight, I have such mixed feelings on this topic. On the one hand, I get frustrated with people who are obese, as usually their weight is a symptom of all of the bad choices they make (eating unhealthy and not working out). On the OTHER hand, I know first-hand how my mom has struggled, trying every single diet in the book only to fail because it all goes back to her mom and grandmother growing up called her “fat” all the time.
What I think a lot of people need to understand – and not just about people who are obese – is that we NEVER know someone’s story when we see them on the street. So many people are so quick to judge in our society.
Thanks for your thoughts on this one. I don’t believe you are only 21 – you seem wise beyond your years!!
It’s interesting, and sad, the ways that people justify the judgments that they make. It really discourages introspection. I loved hearing the way you handle your client’s expectations that of course you (like most people they encounter) would make such assumptions. You rock.
Wonderful article!
And did you sneak in my head and steal this paragraph?
“While I had a “weight problem,” I have never been overweight. I was severely underweight, and caused irreparable damage to my body, but to most people, it wasn’t obvious. Unless you knew me before, you would not have looked at me gone “That girl is a bulimic.” It was hard enough to recover, but I could hide it. Strangers didn’t need to know I was sick. I didn’t have to explain myself or be ashamed or made fun of or watch the news and see candid shots of faceless skinny girls walking down the street. I don’t know if I would have made it if I had.”
You had years of my life pegged perfectly with this statement.
sweetsandsweats
I love you …
My only comment is that it works both ways these days …
As someone who is thin, fit, healthy, I feel like people will always apologize for what they are eating around me. Or worse, make a snide remark about my healthy food. I am not judging you! Assuming someone is judgemental and critical because they brought in a healthy lunch is just as hurtful as assuming someone is lazy because they are overweight.
Just like most things, not judging others is always easier said than done.
You are my hero for using that picture. Great article. Fantastic article.
Nice post.
Great article. I’ve really been interested in reading everyone’s comments. Thanks for bringing up the topic in an intelligent manor and encouraging discussion on it.
I feel this is an extremely touchy subject. People who make fun of overweight/obese people are just mean. These same people make fun of MR children and kick little puppies. That is the approach I think people take— but I’ve found even someone like myself judging obsese people as well. I feel Americans fear obesity. If you can overcome obesity or avoid it, you therefore are “better” than the other person. I have self control, I am attractive, etc. To be totally honest, I do not find obese people attractive. But, I’m not dating all of them or going to marry all of them. People are unattractive in many ways, their attitudes, lack of values, treatment toward others, etc. We need to look to others as human beings and try to help others instead of judge them and grow ourselves.
I think that a movement for Fat Acceptance is great…as long as it’s not promoting an unhealthy lifestyle! I don’t really kow anything about this movement but I think that it is necessary because being a little overweight is not a bad thing…the only time someone should feel bad about how much they weigh is when their health is in jeopardy and even then they shouldn’t feel “bad”.
There are a lot of interesting and insightful comments here. This is a good and though provoking article.
I guess what worries me is the term “fat acceptance.” As some others have said, there is a huge difference between not treating others unkindly because of their weight and accepting fatness. Sure, we should all be respectful of others and treat them equally and kindly. But we shouldn’t treat America’s obesity problem with indifference. We shouldn’t accept it, because it IS a huge problem.
Some people certainly do have diseases that make it difficult to lose weight. But the majority of people just make poor life decisions. There is a reason that American is such a fat nation, and it isn’t because we all have thyroid diseases.
Another example that is often used is that fat–I’m talking obese, not a little chubby–people are often just as capable as people of a healthy weight. This is simply not true. The fat people I know (and believe me much of my family is very overweight) are not as capable as thinner people. They are often tired, slower moving, and unable to be very active when hiking, camping, etc. Several fat people I know sleep more than average because, obviously, hauling around all that extra weight is exhausting. It just makes sense that they would be less capable.
So I think the idea of being respectful of fat people is great–like any other group, from blacks to Jews to little people–but no, fat should not be accepted. It is definitely a problem that we should face and try to solve.
Katie,
I am 5 feet 3 and weigh over 300 pounds. I work out with a trainer and on my own 12 hours a week and have done so for three years. I walk/run at 4.2 mph for 60 minutes a day and weight train the other 60. I leg press 620 (orm). I typically eat between 1,500 and 1,700 calories a day. I sleep a solid 8 hours a night and I work full-time. In my spare time, I am preparing for NSCA certification. I’m just curious. When you see me on the street, what category do you put me in? What judgments do you make about me?
Well, a lot of things have been said, and said well, but since this is a subject near and dear to my heart, I just wanted to chime in.
First, a lot of people seem to feel that if you are fat and healthy, that’s ok, but that if you are fat and UNhealthy, then that’s NOT ok. But what if someone is fat and unhealthy by CHOICE? What if they’d really rather live on Big Macs and fries (which most don’t, btw) than salad and chicken? Last I checked, we were grown-ups who are allowed to make our own choices.
The argument that fat people cost more in healthcare (and therefore should be shamed) doesn’t hold water, either. According to recent research, someone who is fat and unhealthy will cost LESS in the long run, because they’re more likely to die earlier. Someone who is healthy is more likely to live long enough to require long-term care (think Alzheimer’s and dementia). For the study itself, go to the Public Library of Science, a peer-reviewed medical journal: http://medicine.plosjournals.org/perlserv/?request=get-document&doi=10.1371/journal.pmed.0050029&ct=1
So. If the healthcare argument is a red herring, what else is there? Honestly, I don’t see any good reason for shaming or discriminating against fat people. The only reason I see is, “it makes me uncomfortable that they’re fat,” and THAT is not a good reason.
Finally, any argument that extrapolates to fat people in general based on “the fat people I know” is faulty by definition. Unless you know for a fact that the fat people you know constitute a representative sample of ALL the fat people in the nation (including income and education levels, family history, genetics, etc.), it doesn’t fly. It’s a skewed sample, and as an extrapolation tool, it’s useless.
Having said all that, I would like to point out that Health at Every Size is NOT the same as Health at Any Size. What is a healthy size for you might not be for me, and vice versa. I know from my own personal history that the only way my weight gets over 200 is by bingeing (normally it hovers between 165 and 175). But I have no doubt that Mary (above), is healthy as a horse. She might not be as healthy at my size, and I might not be as healthy at hers, but that doesn’t mean that either of our sizes is by DEFINITION unhealthy. It just means that what is healthy for one person might not be for someone else.
Ok, I’m done now. Sorry for the long comment! :)
Mary,
Unless you weighed twice as much as you do now three years ago, that is simply not possible.
Even if 300 pounds is a weight you maintain under the habits you explained, you are clearly a special case, and not representative of the norm.
But besides that, why are you acting as if Katie’s comment is such blasphemy? It’s someone’s perspective. Why not try and enlighten her with yours, rather than asking antagonizing questions?
Not twice as much, but 140 pounds more than right now. I have posted several times above and on Every Gym’s Nightmare. I don’t think it enlightened anyone. And, why do you think my story is “simply not possible?” My trainers would definitely say I am a special case. Although each of them has been in the business of working with health and bodies for many years, they both were shocked to learn the things I had to teach them about size and weight loss and health. However, they were open to learning. I have been very disappointed to find such lack of acceptance from many of the commentators on this blog. I would be happy to put you in contact with either of my trainers if you would like further information about my “special case.”
Thank you, Marste, for an excellent, well-written comment. You expressed my thoughts much better than I could.
Great, great, post, Kelly. Truly terrific. :)
Marste,
I definitely think that’s an interesting case, and not representative of the vast majority of fat people. I’m glad you posted because it’s an interesting conundrum. Like Marste said, she would have to maintain highly unhealthy habits to get over 200 pounds. I would venture a guess that is true of most people.
Let me put it this way. I am 5′1″. If you saw me on the street, you would see that I am short. You would assume that I am unable to reach very high shelves, can’t slam dunk a basketball, and possibly other thinks that are sometimes assumed of short people. And that is OK, because 99% of people my height are unable to slam dunk a basketball unless they’re really really good at jumping.
So to answer your question, I would make the judgement about you that: you probably won’t win any sprinting contests. and you can’t fit in small spaces. It is human nature to make generalizations and assumptions about what we see. I would be happy if you proved me wrong and won a marathon.
I’ve been reading this really great book lately, Embracing Your Big Fat Ass by Laura Banks and Janette Barber, and between that book and thoughtful posts like yours, I’ve come to the conclusion that fat acceptance, and thin acceptance, and tall acceptance, and short acceptance and any other kind of size/image issue we all have are pretty much ALL issues of self acceptance and self esteem. The biggest thing we have to learn is to love ourselves as we are, and from there we can make changes if we choose to. But it all starts with at least liking ourselves enough to want what is best for us as individuals.
I’ve started my own movement. It’s called “I’m FAT and I’m PROUD of it.” Don’t get me wrong, I understand being as large as I am isn’t healthy. I work out and eat better to try and lose weight. I do that for HEALTH reasons, not because I hate myself. I am more comfortable with myself at 350 pounds than I ever was at 250 pounds. It’s because I’ve come to accept that I AM worth something no matter how I look or what I weigh. If anyone can’t accept that I say eff you. It’s my life and I was givin the right to live it as I see fit. You don’t like it, too damn bad. Thank you for being on our side.