Fed Chairman Bernanke Says ‘Economy Suffering Severe Contraction’

Calls Economy ‘Real Trooper’ For Refusing Epidural and Sticking to Promise to Give Birth to a Bouncing Baby Depression

In testimony before the Senate Banking Committee, Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke said the economy is suffering “a severe contraction” and is likely to keep shrinking for the first six months of 2009.

Bernanke went on to say that he “hoped that the current recession will end this year,” but said “there were significant risks to any forecast.”

In a related story, I hope to sleep with Bar Rafaeli this year but there’s a significant risk I’ll get slapped with a restraining order first.

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Keep hope alive!

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Photo credit: Sports Illustrated cover scan
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