Federal Prosecutors Prepare Case Against Bears Stearns Hedge Fund Execs
Lawyers To Charge Pair With Losing Money; Case Seen to Pave Way For Class-Action Litigation By People Who Can’t Seem to Hold On to Pens
Federal prosecutors today announced that they are preparing to bring criminal charges against the former managers of two Bear Stearns hedge funds that collapsed last year. The collapse of the funds are being blamed for starting the current credit crisis.
Speaking on condition of anonymity because he didn’t want anyone to associate his name with such a ridiculous case, one Federal prosecutor noted, “This is pretty standard in these cases. Any time someone loses money, we pretty much assume that there’s fraud involved — even if there’s a 125 page prospectus that outlines the risks.”
In other news, Federal prosecutors are also preparing a RICO indictment against Sony, Panasonic and other television manufacturers blaming them for the ongoing problem of consumers losing the TV remote control and accusing the electronic companies of colluding with sofa manufacturers to make the controls easier to misplace.
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Hard to find remote may contribute to obesity epidemic
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