Final Fantasy IV DS: Inner Thoughts

I love Final Fantasy IV and I’ve already made plans to marry Final Fantasy IV DS, but let’s face it: the game was melodramatic a thousand years ago and it has not grown sunnier with age.

In fact, the new translation really amps up the angst factor. The droning voice acting has also allowed me the opportunity to work on retorts.

I crack these retorts when I am playing alone. As you might suspect, I am often alone.

Please be aware of spoilers.

Fusoya: “Cecil, you are the image of your father in his youth.”
King of Baron: “Abandoned baby Cecil, you are the image of your mother.”
Me: “Christ, people.”

***

Fusoya: “Destroy the Giant’s Defence Node before attacking the CPU!”
Me (after getting wasted by the rampaging Attack Node): “Are you cruel, or just senile?”

***

Cecil: “Golbez is my brother…my brother…brother…brother…”
Me: “Someone whack the parrot. It’s stuck again.”

***

Fusoya (internal monologue): “Are all people on Earth so evil…?”
Me: “You mean the ones under the influence of the crazy moon man you couldn’t restrain? Mmmmmaybe.”

***

Golbez: “I ran away from home while our mother still bore you in her womb, Cecil…”
Me: “Wait, what was that cutscene I just saw where Golbez threw a very born Cecil against the trunk of a tree for the King of Baron to pick up? Oh, and you are completely allowed to say, ‘while our mother was still pregnant with you,’ Golbez. I promise I won’t be any less impressed with your vocabulary.”

(Ach, what am I supposed to expect from a half-alien decked in full black armour?)

Image copyright Square-Enix