Financial Terms

This is going around. I didn’t write it but I think it’s pretty funny. Hope you agree…

CEO – Chief Embezzlement Officer

CFO – Corporate Fraud Officer

BULL MARKET – Statements made by banks to get you to buy their stocks

BEAR MARKET – A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex

VALUE INVESTING – The art of buying low and selling lower

P/E RATIO – The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market plunges

BROKER — What your broker has made you

STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell

STOCK ANALYST – The shrink who’s treating your depressed financial advisor

STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally

FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected

MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks

CASH FLOW– The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet

PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use.