How to Find a Mentor (Formal)

One of the best ways to learn how to be a great manager is to work with a great mentor and learn from his/her mistakes before you make them yourself. A mentor is a guide, a trusted advisor, and a wise sage, who can offer insights into what you do.

Looking a little deeper into the history of the mentor, I discovered the original Mentor was a character in Homer’s epic poem The Odyssey. When Odysseus, King of Ithaca went to fight in the Trojan War, he entrusted the care of his kingdom to Mentor. Mentor served as the teacher and overseer of Odysseuss’ son, Telemachus.

I’ve had some wonderful mentors in my life, both informal and formal, and they’ve taught me a LOT about how to manage my career, offered insights into how to manage my team, how to be a better speaker, and some even offered insights into how to manage my life. For this article, I’ll be covering only formal mentors. I’ll cover informal mentors soon.

I’ve also done my share of mentoring, offering younger managers and managers-to-be insights into how and why I do what my do, and helping them find the answers to the tough questions.

How do you find a mentor?

1. Be very clear on what you expect from your mentor. A general statement of “I want to be a better person” won’t help anyone help you. If you focus on improving one thing or maybe two things, you stand a much better chance of finding someone who can help you grow in those areas. Be specific and your mentor is
2. Next, think about when you want to meet with your mentor. Do you want mornings, lunches, evenings, weekends? Keep in mind your mentor is going to be helping you more than you are helping them, so understand you may need to change your schedule to make things work. Knowing what you prefer and when you absolutely can’t meet can be very helpful.
3. Understand how often you want to meet with your mentor. Weekly is typically the most frequently folks will be able to meet, and monthly is the longest I would recommend you go between meetings if you want to see your best results.
4. How do you prefer connecting with your mentor? Face-to-face is typically most effective, but some folks prefer e-mail, and some folks are so busy they can only do phone calls. Know your preference, and know what you least want to use, and write it down.
5. Setting an end point is also critical. Nobody wants to feel like they will be mentoring you forever, at least not at the start of a new mentoring relationship. I’ve kept some of my mentoring relationships going for many years, but I’ve also said goodbye after a year to mentees who’ve no longer needed my ongoing advice and support.
6. Write down 3-5 people who might be able to fill your mentoring needs and who you would enjoy learning from. This is your mentorship after all. If someone has great skills but you don’t want to work with them, the mentorship won’t be as good as it could be. By the same token, don’t base who you want to be mentored by solely on the fact that you like the potential mentor. This is why step #2 is so important.
7. Invite your number one choice to a cup of coffee on you, and ask them to be your mentor. Be sure to clearly explain your expectations taken from steps 1-4. Don’t take it personally if they say no, but do ask them who else they might recommend in their place.
8. Repeat 6 and 7 as needed until you find a mentor.

One additional thing: Once you solidify your mentoring relationship, type up steps 1-5, sign it, and ask your mentor to sign it. This helps with accountability and can help you both feel more comfortable with what’s going to happen during your mentorship journey.

What am I missing about finding a formal mentor?