Geithner Offers Simplified Plan For Economy
– New Plan Pegs Salaries of Everyone In Country At Minimum Wage –
Under expansive new powers granted to him by members of Congress claiming expansive new powers, Treasury Secretary Geithner announced his latest plan to control the U.S. economy: Everyone in the country will work and get paid minimum wage.
Appearing before apparatchiks fellow comrades a group of Senators in Washington, Geithner explained, “Trying to decide who should get paid what was getting too complicated and taking too much of my time, so I thought ‘Why not reduce everyone to the lowest common denominator?’ It’ll be easier and it’s where we’re trying to get to anyway.”
Many citizens questioned whether Geithner had the authority to make such a wide-ranging decision. A Treasury spokesman noted, “Since most people have a bank account, we’re interpreting that to mean everyone in the country is subject to regulation under the TARP plan. That means we can regulate everybody’s compensation.”
“Oh, and just to be clear … anyone caught buying anything other than store brands or driving a car other than a Saturn or Ford Focus will be subject to house arrest,” added the Treasury flack.
According to Geithner, Congress and government officials will be exempted from the new pay rules in an effort to attract the best and slimiest minds into public service.
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Image: worldeconomicforum on Flickr
