How to Get Fired from Your Management Job
June 4, 2008 by Phil Gerbyshak
Filed under Business
Inc. recently ran a great article about 7 ways to get fired, with such boneheaded moves such as surfing for porn, job hunting at work, and drinking at work making the list.
Here are a few other ways you can get fired from your management job. Follow these at your own risk.
- Date your direct reports – Nothing spells lawsuit like dating those who depend on you for a paycheck. If you’re that attracted to them, change roles or companies.
- Put the moves on your boss – Is this smarter or dumber than dating your direct reports? Just say NO!
- Leave a co-worker creepy voice mails – At one company I worked at, one of the guys left 8 associates random voicemails about shoe sniffing and stealing their dry cleaning. He got busted because one day he called from his cell phone from the men’s room and someone overheard him.
- Talk about confidential items in the elevator – You never know who’s going to get on or off the elevator, so go ahead and talk about your direct reports failure to launch, and see how fast you’re on a rocket sled out of there!
- Fall asleep at your desk – No matter how tired you are, or how long you’ve been working, falling asleep at your desk is never a good idea.
Can you share other ways to get fired from your management job?
Flickr photo credit to Ingorrr
Wear a WWI old Army helmet, resurrect command and control and say to your staff, “When I say jump, you say how high. We do not talk about things around here. I give the orders and you follow them.”
You may think you fire people up but you are much more likely to get fired.
Here are some things that have worked for me:
Disrespect: giving your boss half the peace sign without suggesting he’s number one.
Lighten up: the appropriate response when your boss asks if you work well under pressure.
Underachiever: an employee who has squatter’s rights on the far left side of the bell curve.
Naked: how you should show up for work in order to divert attention from the fact that you’re drunk.
I once worked at a privately funded AI research lab that was part of a much larger corporation; I was told the following:
“Think of yourselves as accountants – if you talk to anyone outside of this team, even other people within the company, about what you are doing here: you are G-O-N-E.”
Confidentiality II: unauthorized disclosures of highly sensitive work-related information, such as delivery dates and financial figures, can get you into hot water.
Creating a PR Disaster on the Internet: If you start blogging about your company and create some sort of PR fiasco for your supervisor, such as accidentally disclosing sensitive financial information or smearing your co-workers, you can expect to get the boot.
Fighting with Co-Workers/Customers: In most office jobs, getting into violent verbal or physical altercations with customers is a good way to kick off your new job search.
My previous director was officially fired for secretly recording meetings and conversations with a tiny digital recorder in his pocket. Unofficially, he was a colossal jerk who caused every IT employee to complain to HR about him.
failing to put a postage stamp on a piece of personal mail in a secret attempt to embezzle company funds.
How about sending a porno email to coworkers using your work emails?
Go postal on your employees and consultants with a water-blaster gun!
Here is a link to a story that truly raises the bar of “How to Get Fired from Your Management Job”. Can you even count how many outrageous ethical and legal violations are in this story? From the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, read, “Suit claims bias in strip searches”. URL is:
http://www.ajc.com/search/content/shared/money/stories/2008/02/KRYSTAL_STRIP_SUIT_0207_COX.html