Get Malaria — Win $4,000

If Results Are Successful, Seattle Institute Hopes to Do Even Creepier Studies

Do you still owe money on student loans, credit cards or gambling debts to a guy named Tony the Neck?

This could be your lucky day. The Seattle Biomedical Research Institute is paying up to $4,000 for volunteers to be bitten by mosquitoes infected with malaria.

Other lucky winners may receive a gift certificate to one of Seattle’s famed coffee bars or an autographed picture of Kurt Cobain.

By deliberately infecting people with malaria, researchers hope to learn more about which vaccines work fastest and also get some awesome videos to post on YouTube.

Scientists conducting the study say “no lives are in danger because the volunteers can be cured.”

“At least that’s what we’re hoping,” said one employee who asked to remain anonymous.

A separate study will pay volunteers up to $287,000 to have sex with Jenna Jameson since, as one scientist put it, “You’re pretty likely to catch something we can’t even classify, let alone cure.”

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Sure, it’s a bug … but from which study?

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