Global Warming Is Good For Your Next Party
– More and Bigger Shrimp Appetizers Are Reason To Switch Back To Aerosol Deodorant –
I’m sure there are a lot of reasons to get upset about global warming but how it affects the sex life of shrimp isn’t one that’s keeping me up nights.
Still, there are scientists who study the copulating behavior of shrimp and reporters with agendas, so we’ll never be lacking for stories about global warming that make absolutely no sense.
I don’t have a formal background in journalism, but it seems to me that you really don’t want to start with the assertion that global warming is affecting the mating life of shrimp and then proceeds to contradict your original thesis for the entire rest of the article.
Here’s the opening sentence of the article:
“Besides the delayed appearance of waterfowl to southern climates, droughts and forest fires, shifts in the sexual behavior of shrimp may be added to early signs of global warming.”
Amazingly, the very next sentence is:
“The jury is still officially out, and so far no authoritative scientific work on the subject exists.”
I’m reasonably certain this reporter had two random events, a bag of weed and somehow decided to come up with his own crustacean dating theory.
Even the scientist that author John DeSantis interviewed for the article didn’t agree with him. Biologist Martin Bourgeois is quoted later in the article as saying that “increased salt content of local inshore waters may on the surface be a more definitive and explainable cause.”
I think we can safely assume there are shrimp that are getting laid more than these two guys.
It’s also unclear from the article as to what exactly John thinks the problem is. The only effect seems to “bigger white shrimp may now be found in greater numbers in waters closer to shore, which can be a boon for shrimpers who get larger specimens.”
Have you ever been at a party where shrimp cocktail wasn’t the most popular hors d’oeuvre?
I’d consider stopping by my local SUV dealer for a four hour test drive if it means more and bigger shrimp at the next party I attend.
Oh, sure, women will try to tell you it’s not the size of your shrimp, it’s how you dip it in the cocktail sauce that counts, but we all know that guys with big prawns get all the sexiest girls.
This may mean that some of the older, smaller shrimp will have a hard time getting a date but they’ll just have to make up for it by buying jewelry or driving around the sea bed in a Porsche.
Like the old saying goes: at three o’clock in the morning — there are no ugly shrimp.
For anyone who likes appetizers, scampi and Cajun cooking, climate change is something that should be welcomed, not feared.
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“BAM! Let’s kick global warming up a notch…”
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Image: PR Photos
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