Google Unveils New Feature To Prevent Drunken E-Mails

Need to Solve Math Problems Before Logging On Won’t Solve Binge Drinking But May Help Your SAT Scores

Google announced a new software tool to help protect you from sending that embarrassing 3:00AM email to an ex-girlfriend. Mail Goggles forces users to solve five simple math problems in under a minute in order to send a g-mail message.

The new tool is expected to cut down on late night booty calls and also drive traffic to the new Google-owned site: MathAnswers.com.

Guys who are looking to send an alcohol-induced booty call will be forced to correctly carry pi out to the 43rd decimal place and solve a calculus problem about two intersecting right circular cones.

Girls looking to send naked pictures of themselves will be forced to multiply a single digit numbers times two.

A company spokesman outlined Google’s reasoning for promoting the new service saying, “We believe this will help Google users avoid potentially awkward situations while at the same time helping us to identify a group of sorry-ass people who are so lacking in self-control and self-esteem that they’ll buy almost anything we can market to them.”

I’m not saying the software won’t work, but it just seems like overkill when all somebody might want to do is just talk to Cindy DiStasio after seventeen beers and let her know how she ruined somebody’s life by screwing somebody’s best friend who was living rent-free in their apartment while that somebody was in the hospital recovering from a concussion.

You know, hypothetically speaking.

-

Google software expected to cut down on booty calls but increase number of computers hurled against the wall in drunken frustration…

-

Photo credit: EveryStockPhoto.com

-