Greaseless networking (or how to build your business network without being a chump)
I’ve been intrigued by the idea of networking for a long time. But it’s always been a kind of voyeuristic activity for me since my natural inclination is to get a good book and go curl up in a cave somewhere. I’m the farthest thing imaginable from a natural networker. But the deal is that I realize I’ve got to do it (you know, the whole “does not kill me…makes me stronger” thing). My own success (and the food on the table) is at least partially reliant upon my ability and willingness to consciously “network.”
I’ve got some of my own ideas about how to go about this but, recognizing that the wisdom of the ages is something I was not born with, I’ve done a little bit of reading on the topic. Not a lot of reading, just a little bit of reading. I now possess the secret to building a network without feeling like a total greaseball, and I will now share that secret with you.
Here’s the secret (wait for it…): The Golden Rule.
That’s right, The Golden Rule. Never heard of it? It’s pretty easy to remember: treat other people as you’d like to be treated. If you are an avowed sadist, then you’re not going to have much luck with this (though you may find some cool masochistic people to hang out with). The rest of us will be able to make our own luck with this method.
Let’s step back for a minute, though. What exactly is a network and why do you need to build one? A network, by my definition, is all the people with whom you’ve had sufficient contact to feel comfortable helping (and really, that’s a pretty low bar). You need a network because, whatever your goals, it will be a whole lot easier to reach them when you’ve got other people helping you out.
As you may suspect, there are some detailed facets to work out regarding The Golden Rule thing. Nothing too tough, though. First, you’ve got to tweak your mind so that you can overcome your natural inclination toward self-interest. Second, you’ve got to focus on serving others. Sounds simple, and it is. But simple doesn’t mean easy. If you’ve been steeped in the traditional “scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours” mindset, you may have a very tough time adjusting to this new paradigm. If you’re just starting out, you’ll find it pretty easy to do (since you don’t have much riding on your network just yet).
Old-timers may balk a little bit here. The old school mindset is that you pass out your business card like it’s going out of style, you hunt down people you think can help you and you pepper them with requests until they buckle or kick you to the curb. The new school (it’s not really new…this stuff has been around forever) says that you find out how you can help those you encounter–especially those folks who you can identify as centers of influence. Seek first to help. When you need help, referrals, whatever, you’ll have a ready list of people to call upon. In fact, by networking with others in mind rather than with yourself in mind, you’ll begin to develop not only a group of people who are willing to work on your behalf, but a group of people who are actively on the lookout for opportunities that are of interest to you and of benefit to you.
The whole deal is just really simple: meet people and extend your expertise, time and caring toward them. When you build up your network, as you inevitably will, extend that toward them as well. Find out what other people need and give it to them–without any expectation of payback or reciprocity. Just give what you have, selflessly, and you’ll get it back and then some. That’s really the trick. You’re doing all this with the expectation that you’ll benefit, but you can’t do any of this while expecting to benefit from that individual act. You’ve got to trust that the net result of your selflessness will deliver for you in the end.
None of this is to imply that you’ve got to only give and never ask for help. Far from it. As you extend yourself, others will naturally feel inclined to help you. Don’t shy away from letting them know how they can help–what kinds of prospects are good for you, what kinds of leads you’re looking for, etc. You may eventually even have specific requests for specific people and that’s fine. Just be sure you’ve given much before you reap anything.
Book list (in case you want to do a little reading yourself):
The Virtual Handshake: Opening Doors And Closing Deals Online
by David Teten and Scott Allen
Maximize and manage your online networking presence (my review)
Never Eat Alone: And Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time
by Keith Ferazzi
Excellent primer on building networks and building influence
Endless Referrals
by Bob Burg
The sales approach to building a network
You might also want to read “Work the Pond!” The whole book deals with networking and the Golden Rule.
Thanks for the tip, Michael! It went right on my “to read” list!
Most of Harvey Mackay’s books deal with networking as well. They are an excellent source, especially Dig Your Well Before You Are Thirsty.
@Michael Haberman: Thanks for the reminder! Bob Burg writes highly of Mackay’s work, too, and I’d been meaning to look some of it up.
the book has gotten some great endorsements…Tom Hopkins is one of my favorite
serving others – imagine a world where we all remembered this simple sage advice. Nice post Bren…and as if you need another book The Servant by James Hunter is a real keeper.
Great post, but take the concept one step further:
Do things for people without ANY intention of getting something back in return. Serving others selflessly is a good reason to be on this planet, and I believe you will find that the Law of Karma will eventually intervene on your behalf: positive intentions bring positive energy.
As an interesting side note, if you research it a bit, you will find that all the major religions in the world have the “Do Unto Others” statement somewhere in their philosophy. Now if we could only get all 6 billion people on this planet to live by that rule!
@Gayle: good point, but you seem to fall into the same trap that you tell me to avoid. You say, “I believe…the Law of Karma will eventually intervene on your behalf…” Isn’t that belief tantamount to understanding that doing good will bring us good, so we do what we want to receive? Seems like if anyone was REALLY altruistic, they’d say “Forget the receipts. Do good because that’s what service is about and service is what other people want.”
We ultimately agree, though The Law of Karma falls outside my personal beliefs. I understand your point, which I think is the same as the point I was trying make in the original post: overcome self-interest and serve others.
Whoops… computer blinked out for a minute… sorry if this posts twice.
Hi Bren…
That is a common misconception, but it doesn’t work that way. Karma is built on intention. And the intention needs to be selfless, not selfish. You do good because you do good, for no benefit to yourself.
And you don’t actually have to belive in “Karma with a capital K”. Just cause and effect.
Yes, I do think we agree. Just wanted to clarify. You bring up good points.
In this day of endless upgrades, I’ve found it necessary to upgrade that “secret.” Moreover, given that introductory line of “network without being a chump,” I frequently felt shortchanged by The Golden Rule. Believing everybody else has my same interests, viewpoints, and behaviors and then trying to connect that way seemed imposing.
So I then discovered Tony Alessandra’s “The Platinum Rule.” The upgrade is simply “Do unto others as THEY would like done unto THEM.”
I’ve found it intriguing to research who are the THEY’s, what do THEY like, and what ways do I have to contribute to them what they like. We can say that’s being generous; if we’re 100% honest, there’s nothing wrong with the vanity and pride that making someone else feel good makes you feel good.
Briefly stated, Alessandra talks about different kinds of THEY’s. Some people prefer to speak facts and figures. Some prefer ideas. Some prefer contacting others. Some are very action-oriented. What I’ve seen can yield results quickly is to transpose whatever you have in mind to the approaches the networking target prefers. If I’m at a meeting with lots of ideas, and the head is somebody who prefers speaking numbers, I’ll make sure to integrate numbers into my ideas as we speak, to let that person know his way of seeing things is validated.
That’s what’s missing a lot in connecting with others nowadays. People do not receive enough praise from their supervisors, their subordinates, their spouses, their kids. So taking interest in somebody else and speaking to them in their own language can augment the network. It’s like saying your ways are great, and so are mine. Let’s put it all together!